Losing my religion
by hermyoneMEX
Summary: Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.
1. Chapter one: true colors

**Title: **Losing My Religion (1/?)

**Author: **hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)

**Beta: **Calienteyfria

**Pairing: **Finn/Kurt

**Rating: **PG for now

**Warnings: **Future fic but following the canon until episode 21 with some changes and expections, you'll see them during the chapters. This is a very angst story, so yeah... you're warned.

**Disclaimer: **Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith. I just want to write Kinn, leave me alone.

**Summary: **Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes: **Excited and nervous with this fic. Still don't know how many chapters is going to have but this is long. I want to thank my beta, she's amazing and supports me a lot, same goes for some of you that know how much I'm working in this story and have cheered me with this, thank you!. I'll post every week, probably fridays or saturdays. Hope you like this thing :)

CHAPTER ONE: **TRUE COLORS**

_But i see your true colors**  
**Shining through**  
**I see your true colors**  
**And that's why i love you_

_It happened on a Thursday. _

Kurt loved Thursdays, the day preceding the weekend. He still had to do many duties for his job in the magazine, of course, but he knew that at the end of that day, when he got home, he'll be one step from Friday, and Friday means only one thing: freedom. This Thursday wasn't the exception. He was humming while he was ending to prepare breakfast and watching Elizabeth, his two year old, who was drawing and talking to herself.

"Finn!" Kurt yelled, after he checked the clock and looking at the ceiling since the other man was on the second floor. "Have you seen the time?"

The sound of heavy steps on the top floor indicated him that the other man had heard him. But, of course, it seemed to be very difficult for Finn to make an appropriate verbal answer.

"Dedde! ellow!" said the kid, raising with happiness her coloring book showing him her masterpiece.

Kurt placed the dishes with food on the table and walked to the highchair where the little girl was sitting. He took the coloring book and smiled proudly. At least this time she had successfully named the colour that she had actually used.

"Very well, Elizabeth! But it's 'daddy' not 'dedde', ok? You have to say it like 'dad' but in the diminutive form" he explained bowing to her height and watching her very seriously, the girl was now looking at him so fascinated, her two big blue eyes shining with excitement and listening him very carefully like she really was understand what he was saying. "And it's not 'ellow', honey, it's 'yellow'. Got it? Repeat: Yellow. Ye-llow, it's not..."

"Oh come on, Kurt. Could you please leave Elly alone for one day? The poor girl is only two, don't expect her to start talking like you," said Finn with a smirk entering in the kitchen. Kurt straightened and rolled his eyes while he went for two cups to fill them with coffee.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" the girl began to yell moving in her chair but unable to get up because of the belt that held firmly in her place. Finn unbuckled it and took the girl in his arms to start playing with her by tossing her slightly toward the ceiling.

"For your information, Finn Hudson, it's a scientific fact that children can talk as any adult so if they are raised with the appropriate vocabulary from the beginning of their existence. So yes, I'll keep correcting Elizabeth the times she needs it, thank you very much" he recited, sitting down after having finished, placing everything that was needed on the table for the breakfast.

Finn chuckled a little and shook his head with an expression of fun saying nothing more. And with the girl still in his arms, he sat next to Kurt smiling and began chopping the fruit on the kid's plate and started give her food in his mouth making sounds of cars every time he moved the spoon to the little girl.

"Finn, what did we say about keep giving her food in her mouth? She is perfectly capable of taking the spoon and take it to her mouth, and she should learn to eat in her chair, not on your lap." said Kurt without anger but a little impatient.

Finn pouted before answering.

"Oh, come on, Kurt, she's just a baby! It wasn't long ago that she ate baby food. Don't push her to grow up so quick!" He was watching her with devotion and making little noises of happiness every time she took a bite, the girl joyfully accepted food although half of it was on her lap. She giggled at the noises made by Finn who never stopped playing with the spoon.

Kurt smiled by the sight he had and let out a sigh of resignation and simply pursue his attention to his own breakfast trying not to lose the facade of seriousness every time his husband made different voices to narrate a new adventure of the train, boat, airplane, or any means of transport that was the spoon before reaching the "cave". When he finished eating, he picked up his empty dishes and placed them in the dishwasher, but when he saw that Elizabeth _and Finn_ were both messy from eating, he feel like putting the two of them in the dishwasher. How could a man of thirty years end up a mess by giving food to his daughter? Well, that man was not just any person, Finn Hudson used to be the exception to... basically everything.

"Success!" Finn announced triumphantly and rising from his seat with the girl in his arms that laughed and applauded. "Time to change this little girl that has been attacked by monster-food!"

"Look who says it," Kurt murmured, finishing to clean the table. Finn was again heading upstairs with Elizabeth.

Ten minutes later, the kitchen was all clean and Kurt sat at the table reviewing the items that he had to deliver, finished and corrected for the next day. He wanted to bring forward the most he could because he knew that everything would be chaos in the office that day because it was the end of the month. That meant the new publication of the magazine and the last thing he wanted tonight was staying up late working on those items. He loved the Thursdays, yes, but not when he had to pass their nights working late at night. The sound of the doorbell broke his concentration, he sighed and got up to open to Anne, the girl in charge picking up Elizabeth to take to day care.

"Finn, hurry up!" Kurt yelled toward the stairs. "Hi Anne. Come on in."

"Good morning, Mr. Hummel," greeted the girl who, honestly, was not so young to call him sir, but Kurt had already surrendered a long time trying to convince her to call him 'Kurt' and it never worked.

"Good morning," said Kurt and looked forward to the ceiling. "I better go for them before you're late." He excused himself and went to his daughter's room where Finn was closing the diaper bag while Elizabeth, dressed in clean clothes, played with some toys that were around where she was sitting.

"Why did you put her in those clothes, Finn? Didn't you see the outfit that I left here?" asked pointing a blue dress and watching his daughter with indignity that was wearing a gaudy pink dress.

"Yes, I saw it, but you can't make her wear blue clothes all the time. Kurt, she's a _girl_, you know? Pink is for girls, and blue is for boys." Finn said

"No, Finn, you know there is no such a thing as colours for girls and boys. That idea is an aberration for fashion sense because not all women can wear pink, and not all men can wear blue," explained combing the girl's hair. "In addition, Elizabeth has blue eyes, the colour pink opaques them, but when she wears blue, it highlights her beautiful eyes," Kurt said, carrying the kid in his arms. He knew it was too late so there was no time to change her clothes, plus his job was combing her hair because, honestly, Finn was a mess trying to fix Elizabeth's hair.

"Whatever you say, dude," said Finn, smiling and kissing his cheek and then Elizabeth's forehead. "You're the genius in fashion, after all." Kurt smiled with affection. Then, the two men walked to the first floor while they were discussing how they should dress the little girl without traumatizing her with wearing only one color the rest of her life. The girl was laughing, watching the exchange of words between her two dads.

"Hey, Anne!" Finn greeted her ignoring Kurt's last comment about his completely lack of fashion and the fact that that hadn't traumatize him yet, so Elizabeth would be just fine wearing more blue than anything.

"And among all the pink shades that have had to choose, you chose the less flattering for her skin. Please, Finn, one would expect that you had already acquired some fashion sense at this point in our marriage," finished Kurt as he handed the girl to Anne who took her with a big smile, the girl laughed even more, she really loved her nanny.

"Hi, Mr. Hudson," said the girl, blushing like she did every time she saw Finn.

"Did you put everything in the diaper bag?" asked Kurt. Finn nodded, reciting the list of everything that had been placed in the diaper bag just to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything. Anne looked at them with the same fascination that Elizabeth did. The girl had been dazzled by Finn from the time she had known him, her crush on him was so lovely that Kurt could not even get jealous or annoyed about that, besides, Finn, as the king of the distraction he was, had never realized of that.

"Ok, everything is fine," said Kurt when Finn finished and then directed his attention to Anne "Can you bring her later today? It's the end of the month and I'll stay a little bit longer at the office." Anne nodded. "Thank you," he replied.

"Say goodbye to your dads, Elly" said Anne to Elizabeth, once she was presentable and ready to go.

"Elizabeth," corrected Kurt. He did not like the sound of the diminutive of the name, it just made it lose strength.

"Goodbye, beautiful. Behave yourself and remember that it's 'yellow' and not 'ellow', ok?" Finn said with joy. kissing the cheek of the girl who laughed when her father imitated Kurt's voice. Kurt just rolled his eyes, but smiled at their daughter and said goodbye with a kiss on the forehead. They both stayed at the door to see Anne taking the child in the stroller to the day care, as she did every morning.

Kurt looked at them trying to ignore the little worry and anxiety that he always felt when he saw his little daughter going from the house without either of her dads, Finn's arms surrounding him from behind and brought him to reality. He smiled as he felt the warmth of Finn's body behind him and leaned on his chest. Finn stroked his cheek against his and put his head leaning on his shoulder.

"You all right?" asked in a whisper, kissing softly his neck. Kurt turned not resisting the hug to stay and turned face to face. Finn nodded and smiled before Kurt to bow down and kiss him sweetly.

But then Finn deepened the kiss and pressed his body against his as much as possible so Kurt, still corresponding to the kiss that was becoming increasingly passionate, closed the door behind him. He didn't want that the neighbors start bothering them with homophobic comments, just for kissing with the door open.

"Let's go to our room," murmured Finn, kissing his neck and Kurt groaned. He loved the sensation but it had to stop him before he couldn't stop himself.

"Can't. I still have to prepare my stuff and I'm sure Paul woke up with an unbearable mood today and I will be his target shooting" said Kurt kissing him one more time before he let go, Finn sighed but left him go with a little resistance.

"Fine."

The two men walked into the kitchen and Kurt sat as he took the articles he had been reading and began to put them in order reviewing the notes he had written on them during the last month. Finn served a two cups of coffee on the table while Kurt was finishing the organizing papers.

"Hey, Kurt?" Finn asked hesitantly, as he sat next to him and preparing the coffee for Kurt knowing perfectly well how he liked to drink it. Kurt nodded with his head in a sign that he was listening to him but didn't look up from the papers. "You don't have plans for Saturday, right?"

Kurt frowned and finally looked up but not watching Finn, he looked at the ceiling as he remembered his plans for this weekend, after a couple of seconds he looked back at the papers and said, "Nope, tomorrow is the end of the month so today I'll just finish to out in order my section of in the magazine and then will be free until next week. Why? Do you have any plans?"

Finn played with his cup of coffee before answering.

"Well, yes. Max is planning a meeting at his house and invited to all from workshop and their families. It's not formal, just a meeting celebrating the end of the month, we don't even have to dress up," he said with a nervous smile.

This time, though, still looking at the papers, Kurt had focused on Finn but gave no sign of it, but it was more than obvious the immediate tension that had reached to his body, Finn could see in his face that was struggling to not show a clear expression of displeasure.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I have plans. Sorry, I forgot. But you can go, have fun and everything. I'll take Elizabeth with me so don't worry about her." He talked very fast and started to put all the papers in his portfolio without much care. Finn snorted in exasperation, he already knew this was going to happen, it was a safe bet, but not for that he ceased to be upset and disappointed.

"You don't have plans, Kurt. What happens is that you don't want to go."

Kurt, who had already left the table and began to prepare, as every morning, a snack to take to work, didn't look at him even once.

"Then why did you ask me if you already knew the answer?" he said trying to hide his irritation.

"Because I would love if you go with me, Kurt. You are my husband and I wish you were with me at parties and gatherings of my work and my friends. But you never do go, you always have a good excuse not to go with me."

"Of course not!" he raised his voice with a outrageous tone and looking into his face. "Don't you remember that recently I went with you to that silly car race?"

Finn looked at him with a nuisance that shook Kurt a bit.

"That was months ago and we went with your father, Kurt! None of my friends was there. The only and last time that you dared to go to one of the meetings in my work was more than a year ago!"

Kurt began to lose patience, he really did not want to have that conversation because he knew it would lead to anything good.

"Well, and that doesn't mean anything to you?"

"Yes it does. It means that you do not want to go out with me when it comes to my own interests" said reproachfully.

Kurt could not help to rolle his yes, he had enough stress at work so the fact that Finn was so disposed to start a fight out of nothing was insupportable. He snorted and placed firmly his mold with his snack on the table splashing a little of its contents on the ground but he didn't even care.

"You know that's not true, Finn. I always go with you to the parties that you want to go to, to that stupid crowded field, where people are rude and without any sense of personal hygiene."

Finn, who until then had been trying to be calm, turned to him in a manner so sudden that made Kurt jump helplessly.

"Stupid crowded field, where people are rude and without any sense of personal hygiene?" he repeated coldly. Kurt knew right away that he had crossed the line and regret it immediately but he couldn't say anything because Finn was clearly angry "You know what? Forget it, if it means a great sacrifice for you to go with me to the places where I, for once, may be enjoying something, I better go alone. You go out to your great gateways and to the highest society events where you won't have to sacrifice yourself hang out with people without any sense of personal hygiene like me."

Oh of course! If there was something that Finn had learned from him for being with Kurt had been to play the role of the dramatic victim.

"Do not exaggerate, Finn. I've never said that you were that, don't put words in my mouth." said Kurt, crossing his arms.

"When you talk that way about the places I like to go, you're talking about me." he responded imitating the gesture. Finn's eyes were full of anger but also full of deep pain.

"That's not true! Damn it, why do you always have to take things to the other side of their meanings? Why don't you understand that if I want to go to that meeting is not because of you or your tastes, but because I don't want to be in a place where I know beforehand that I will not be well received?" his voice softening a bit "It is so difficult to understand that, Finn?"

"What? Come on, Kurt! What are you talking about? My friends and co-workers have always treated you well, you're the one who does not give them any chance to know you better."

Kurt opened his mouth and he seemed to freeze for a moment and then looked at him with deep anger.

"That is not true. Your colleagues can be very nice with you, but not with me. That time when I went to your meeting I was their jester, I was treated like joke all the time. They were making fun of my clothes, my voice, my vocabulary... shit! they even laughd at how I walked. I was nothing but the laughing stock of the meeting"

"They're dudes, Kurt! They mock at _everybody_!" said Finn raising his arms with exasperation "But that doesn't mean they hate you or they're going to hurt you or anything like that."

Kurt snorted not saying anything.

"Look, remember that Puck was like that even when you were friends and you were cool with that..."

"Who said I was cool with that?" asked Kurt, indignant "I always hated when he talked to meas if I was a clown fallen from a rainbow, but he was Puck. I already knew that he would never change and I accepted that. But I didn't know your friends and they didn't even try to treat me well. I'm sorry but I don't want to know them any better that I already do"

"Oh yeah? How about your fabulous friends, uh? Every time I go to your work or accompany you to an event from the magazines, they treat me like if I were some kind of hologram, flirting with me but laughing because I don't get anything that they're talking about," he said with increased anger "And I never complain, you know why? Because I know how much you love to go there, so if you're happy with that, then I'm happy too!"

Kurt was speechless for a few seconds.

"Are you saying that I don't want you to be happy?" he asked, not believing what the other had hinted and Finn shrugged which meant that he actually believed that "How can you think that?" whispered Kurt.

"I don't want to think that. But I can't help to feel that you want me to be someone else all the time, that if you go inside my world you'd find out that you married with the wrong person."

This time neither of them were screaming, which was worse because their voices were full of pain and sadness.

"Finn, I love you just how you are. I don't want you to change," he walked to him but Finn stayed away from him not looking in the face. And Kurt knew that this wasn't about the meeting, not anymore. "Finn, please, talk to me."

"I just... you're always critizing me, pointing my simplicity, my clothes, the way I talk, and I... I'm not enough for you, right?"

Kurt felt a deep pain in his chest, he never thought that Finn felt that way, yes he had the bad habit of talk to Finn that way, it was something that he did since they were in high-school, but he never meant to hurt him. And the last thing he wanted was Finn changing the way he was. He loved everything about him.

"I'm really sorry if I made you feel that way, Finn" his eyes trying to meet his but he was avoiding his eyes just like he always did when he felt so vulnerable "I don't want you to change, I don't want anyone else but you, Finn. I love you" he stroked his cheek, but Finn didn't say anything "I mean it, I love you the way you are."

"You don't see it, right?"

"See what?"

"That you love me but you'd never forgive me for not being like you, for not being completely gay even when I'm married to you." This time he was looking at him and there was nothing in his eyes but a strong certainty of his words.

Kurt's mouth dropped with shock.

"What? Where it does that come from? I don't want you to be like me, and I certainly don't need you to be 'more gay' since we've been married for six years! Why are you saying such a ridiculous thing?"

"I'm saying it because that's what I see, that's how you act and you don't even notice, Kurt!"

"Well, I say that you're being ridiculous!"Kurt replied turning not wanting to see him, but Finn took a step forward.

"Oh, really?" he asked with irony and Kurt turned to see him frowning and clearly angry "Then why do you look at me with suspicion every time I talk to a woman? Why there's always that look of expectation, like if you were almost expecting me to do some move when I'm talking to a woman?"

Kurt blinked with surprise.

"What? I don't... I've never thought that you're going to cheat on me!" this was turning so ridiculous and out of line for him and he didn't know how all this was happening or how to make it stop. "Look, you know that I've always being kind of jealous but that doesn't... what?" he asked when he saw Finn shaking his head.

"No, Kurt. This is not about jealousy, I know you get jealous sometimes, just as I do, and that's just fine... But when it comes to be a woman talking to me, even in the more friendly way, you look at me like if I were about to do something with them. That's not being jealous, Kurt, that's distrust."

"Finn, you're being ridiculous" he repeated, although this time he wasn't angry nor shocked as he was seconds ago, he felt hurt "I.. ok, I know how I get when strange women talk to you, especially if they're flirting, but it's not about you because I know you'd not cheat on me, and I know you still like women and I've accepted that, but I..."

"You're just expecting the moment when I stop being the gay enough to drop you so you can finally say that you're fears had argument all these years, right?" he asked with an visible pain "And then you'll prove that you and I was always a part of my life that was managed just by an bicurious phase, right?" he said feeling that he was correct and when Kurt, with wide eyes and pale face, he felt that he was giving hin the reason. "See? You can't even deny it"

Kurt's voice broke.

"F-Finn, don't..." Finn was walking away from him and Kurt started to follow him but that was the moment when his phone rang and Kurt had to checked it out because that was the tone that he had set for his office phone, and he didn't want to answer, he didn't want Finn to leave thinking that way about him but then he saw the time and knew that he would be in trouble with his boss.

"Answer the phone," said Finn when he saw that Kurt was hesitating. "I don't want you to be in trouble at work because of me. Besides, I have to go too. I'm done with this anyway," he said, not looking at him and leaving the kitchen.

Kurt almost let drop his phone at the last Finn's words. _ Done with this?_ What did that mean? But he couldn't think longer about that because his phone was still ringing and he had to answer.

* * *

If it were not because his boss put hysterical at the end of each month, it was most likely that Kurt would have been in a state of lethargy and depression during that day at work (drama queen par excellence, of course). But being late and had already cost him a good lecture from Paul, his boss, and the less he wanted was to get penalized for not paying attention to his work. Although, when it finally came time to rest, he couldn't help reliving the fight he had had with Finn. And it hurt so much. It was clear that they didn't have a perfect marriage, there was no such thing, and the two of them used to have discussions all the time about trivial stuff, and sometimes they had real fights. But Kurt knew this figh had been very different to any other they had had before and that worried him more than he could admit it. But the shock, the pain and the pride would not let him call Finn to his work now he had free time and try to work things out. So he decided to call Mercedes because he couldn't shut up everything he felt and thought, not for more longer.

"Why, hello, Kurt Hummel. What a surprise!" greeted Mercedes.

"Umh, hi. Are you going to be very busy today?" he asked without much success to conceal his depressing mood.

He heard a small laugh and Kurt rolled his eyes. Mercedes knew him so well, too well in his opinion.

"Why was the fight this time, Kurt? Do not tell me you came back to do a purge of his wardrobe without asking for his approval first?" she asked clearly amusing and remembering the last fight had been between the two men just two weeks earlier.

"No, Mercedes. The disastrous clothes of my husband is still intact in his closet" he replied with a hint of bitterness and then sigh and said "We fought this morning, but this time was very different than before. It's the worst fight we've had, I assure you "

"You always say it's the worst fight you have had, baby" Mercedes said calmly "I'm pretty sure you'll figured out everything for tomorrow and also have reconciled in the dirty way" ended with a tone of mockery and fun.

Kurt snorted.

"I doubt too much that we'll be reconciled before the end of the year," he replied gloomily, "I'm serious, Mercedes. I'm ... I have fear that this time it can't be fixed"

And he must have sounded really distressed because Mercedes stop joking and asked him to tell her what exactly had happened. And Kurt did it, he told her everything grateful that his friend not interrupted at any time. When he had said everything, half of his hour break was over, but he didn't care, it wasn't as if I had appetite anyway.

A slight sigh Mercedes came before her words.

"Look, Kurt. I hate to say this, and you know you're my best friend and I love you very much. But I think I have to agree with Finn this time"

"Mecedes!" he yelled indignantly, then looked around remembering that he was at work but he was still all alone in the office. He decreased the tone of his voice when he spoke "Do you really think I have a dark side of me that hopes that Finn finished leaving me for a slippery slut?"

"Of course I do not believe that, Kurt. What I mean is that Finn feels that way because you give him those signals "

"Mercedes, you know I love Finn more than my own life, why would I want him to leave me? Why would I give such signs when I'm aware every day that being married to him is the best thing that happened to me? "

"It is precisely that why you send those signals, Kurt. Do not you realize that despite the years you have been together, despite having a beautiful daughter and being a precious family, you still can not believe that he chosen you, that he truly loves you as you love him? "

Kurt opened his mouth to reply but he was half speechless.

"I ... is not that I don't believe it. I just..." and he said no more for a few seconds. "It's hard to believe it when he was the straighter guy in high school, when he yelled at me all those things on first year"

"I know you love Finn, Kurt, and he also knows it, but you should stop acting like the kid who just graduated and that couldn't believe that his step-brother, his first love, was suddenly flirting with him, and looking how to make you love him again"

"I... oh god. I screwed up everything, right? When he left he said he was done with this and I didn't know what he meant but this is it, right? He's going to leave me!" he could feel the tears about to drop over his face.

"Kurt, no! Kurt, calm down. He's not going to leave you" she said seriously "Finn adores you, he loves you and he would die before leaving you" she sighed "Look, it's almost five and you go out at seven, right?"

"Right"

"Ok, what do you think if I go to your house and we talk there. Everything's going to be fine, but I know how drama queen you can get and you need me to keep your mind clear"

Kurt laughed.

"Yeah, you're right about it. Can you bring some ice cream, please? I think I gotta need it"

"Of course"

"Thank you for listening to me, Mercedes"

"Always a pleasure, honey"

* * *

When he hung up the phone he still had fifteen minutes of rest, it was useless to go to the dining room and get some food, so he decided to go back to his work. But then he stared at the phone feeling a sudden urge to talk to Finn, he didn't know if it was appropriate to try to work things out by phone when in person there were problems of communication, by telephone would be worse. Althought he really wanted to talk to him, hear his voice and tell him how much he loved him. Finally he decided to make the call from the phone from the office because he feared that if he marked to his cell phone, Finn would not answer.

A voice of a boy was the one who talked.

"Automotive Workshop, what I can do for you?"

Kurt cleared his throat feeling a little nervousness.

"I ... Good afternoon. Can you communicate me with Mr. Hudson, please?

Although it was possible to hear clearly the noise characteristic of the workshop, he also could hear perfectly the voices closer to the other side of the phone line.

"Who wants him?"

Kurt cursed mentally, he had hoped them to pass him the call to Finn without asking questions because he feared that Finn would not want to talk to him, at least not by phone. But he was not going to hang.

"Kurt Hummel, h-his husband" he knew that he needed to say the last thing since everybody at the workshop knew his name, but if he was going to make a presentation of himself, he was going to do it well.

"Oh, Hi, Mr. Hummel!" spoke the boy with sudden enthusiasm, "It's good to hear you, you never visit. Until now I was beginning to believe that Mr. Hudson made up the whole marriage. Always talking about you and your daughter, but you never come to visit ."

If Kurt had felt bad and guilty before, this time it intensified even more.

"Yes, I know... work keeps me very busy," he apologized awkwardly "Umh, but I'll try to go there more often... sorry, what's your name?"

"John, my name is John." His voice was more excited than before.

"Oh, John. Finn told me about you." True. "He says you're a pretty dedicated apprentice." Not so true. "John, could you get him for me, please? I'm on my break and it is almost finished but I really need to talk to him."

"Of course, Mr. Hummel. Hold on!"

"Thank you."

He could hear the clear sound of the boy walking down the huge workshop between the machines and noises caused by them. And since the boy did not block the speaker of the handset, Kurt could hear perfectly when he came to where Finn was, and spoke.

"Mr. Hudson. You have a phone call!" explained very excited. Kurt rolled his eyes, what was wrong with the guy? Perhaps he had never been around gay couples, or maybe he was gay and he felt happy to talk to one of his 'own'.

"I told you to call me Finn, John. When you say 'Mr. Hudson' you make me feel like an old man." He clearly heard Finn's voice and could't help smiling at his comment, "Who is it?"

"Your husband, Mr. Hudson!" replied the boy and the sound that he had listened very close to him stopped instantly, surely Finn had left to do... whatever he was doing. Kurt bit his lips expectantly.

After what seemed an eternity, Kurt had heard Finn talking but couldn't understand what he was saying. At that very moment his co-workers began arriving to the office breaking the silence that Kurt had had all the hour. Looking at his watch, he could see that break time was over. He had to hang up but he really wanted to at least greet to Finn and say something nice before returning to work.

"I don't think it takes that long to take the call, Mr. Hudson. Your husband said he really needed to talk to you." Kurt could hear John's voice and it was no longer as enthusiastic as before. Apparently Finn would not talk to him, he was not surprised, but it still hurt a little.

"Then tell him that you didn't find me in the workshop, John!" This time he could understand very clearly the words of Finn and his pain increased but he was also annoyed because he knew that Finn was aware that he could hear him and he still asked a boy to lie for him just to not talk to him. What a child!

"Mr. Hud-Hudson. I think he can hear you" said John a little nervous. Finn was angry, and Kurt knew how much he could frighten and intimidate people when he was like that. Poor boy.

"Then let him hear that I don't want to talk to him!" yelled Finn.

There was a strong enough noise, then silence, then steps and noise and then the voice of John more nervous than ever.

"Mr. Hummel? I'm so sorry, I ... "

"Do not worry, John. It's not your fault, he doesn't want to talk to me, it's fine. Do not worry" Kurt again felt as bad as before but also angry "Just tell him that..." _He's a fucking idiot and I don't want to forgive him._ "Tell him that I'll see him at home later."

Not waiting for an answer he hung up the call. All he wanted to do now was end his work day and talk to Mercedes. When he finally left his for the day, Kurt was so tense and hurt, with good reason. His boss, Paul, had come up to him at the last minute and demanding to change completely his articles and Kurt had to work another hour until the article was ready. Kurt sent a message to Mercedes from the office, delaying their meeting and requesting that instead of bringing ice cream, she had better bring a bottle of vodka. He was extremely grateful that she accepted without question. He was so angry with his boss, with Finn, with himself and he knew he was going to explode at any moment, but he was trying to be as calm as possible and called Anne to tell her that he would pick up Elizabeth at her house.

Half an hour later, the girl was asleep and clean in her bed. Kurt went to the room where he buried his face in his hands, luckily it was at that moment when Mercedes knocked the door and she had the prudence to serve a glass of vodka for him and let him drink quietly before speaking.

"Are you going to say what else happened?" she asked without anger.

"More, please?" Kurt raised his empty glass, Mercedes sighed and poured more, but when he drank it and asked more, she shook her head and he groaned but did not protest.

"Sorry, honey, but I think the last thing you want is that Finn comes and finds you drunk. Much less when you have Elly asleep upstairs. "

"Elizabeth, " Kurt corrected without thinking and laying down.

"Why are you more depressed than before? Did you have another fight?"

Kurt laughed bitterly, closing his eyes and feeling the effect of the vodka.

"To discuss we need to speak directly, right? Which Finn can not do because when he's angry he becomes a child and there is no one that can get him out of his tantrum, "he said bitterly.

Mercedes sighed.

"So you called him?" Kurt nodded, "And he didn't answer the phone?" Kurt refused and explained in a very condensed version of his call. She sighed again but with exasperation.

"Damnit, were you two built in a factory by the lost boys of Peter Pan or what? Why do you have to be so childish?"

Kurt snorted and leaned to pour another glass of vodka ignoring the claims of his friend asking him to stop drinking .

"He was the child who would not talk, not me," he replied taking a with only one sip the third cup and Mercedes put the bottle away before he decided to serve himself a fourth glass of vodka.

"Oh sorry, but who is the ona that is getting drunk because doesn't know how to deal with their feelings?" she said with irony. Kurt ignored her "You two are children, I would not be surpriseed that Elizabeth will be more mature than the both of you."

"For that to happen, Finn would have to stop every time I try to improve her vocabulary," Kurt said with bitterness as Mercedes rolled her eyes.

"Yes, whatever you say. Now what you need to do is to calm down and stop drinking so when Finn gets you can talk. I mean talk, no yelling or insults. You will say you're sorry, he will apologize, you will kiss and make up, okay?"

"Stay and have dinner with us," said Kurt out of nowhere. She looked at him stunned.

"Kurt Hummel, are you asking me to stay so you don't have to talk to your husband? I feel used and offended. "

Kurt growled.

"Sorry, I just don't know what I'm going to say. I fear I will end up ruining everything instead of fixing it."

"Oh...and me staying here will certainly help you, right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kurt sighed and he was about to reply when his phone rang. He saw the ID that said 'Finn' and Mercedes smiled in amusement.

"Saved by your guy, huh?" And seeing that Kurt did not answer she said firmly, "Kurt, do not be a coward and answer the phone!"

Kurt looked at her without saying anything, motioning her to answer the phone but Mercedes shook her head, still smiling. Kurt sighed and picked up.

"Hey, Finn. Whe..." He paused, frowning in confusion "Wait, wait, John? What's wrong?. Talk slowly, I don't get what you're saying."

Mercedes leaned trying to hear what the boy was trying to say from the other side of the phone, but then Kurt's face paled with alarming rapidity that made her almost jump out of fright. Kurt's eyes were wide open and he didn't make a sound.

"Kurt? What is it?" Mercedes asked with concern, shaking his arm.

Kurt seemed a bit back to reality, but when he spoke his voice had never sounded so terrified. The only time was many years ago when they were in high school and Burt Hummel had suffered an...

_Oh no._ Mercedes thought

"Wh-what do you mean?" He asked, terrified and his hands began to shake wildly, Mercedes took firmly his free hand not knowing what the hell to do, not even know what was happening but it was obviously something very bad that involved Finn and she was trying to not think the worst. "What happened?" Kurt's cry was what caused her react and she knew that if she didn't take away the phone from Kurt at that moment, he would end up having some heart attack and it would be impossible to help him.

Mercedes grabbed the phone from Kurt and he didn't even seem to notice it.

"John? I am Mercedes, a friend of Kurt's. What happened?" Clear and firm. That was Mercedes Jones.

The boy's voice was so hysterical that almost paralyzed her.

"It's Finn! He was taken to the hospital, there was blood everywhere! I don't even know if he's alive! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Clearly the guy was in shock and Kurt could hear that he was crying uncontrollably. Mercedes was trying to not cry, not yet.

"What happened, John? What happened to Finn?" she asked firmly, trying to sound calm and not letting nerves and fear take control of her body. Kurt seemed to be about ready to pass out.

"I don't, there was an accident, don't know what happened! One second was I there and then... I don't know how it happened!"

"John! I need you to calm down and tell me what happened!" she yelled, making Kurt jump. She couldn't look at him, she needed to be strong and if she looked at him she might crumble with him.

"A car fell on him! A car fell on him!"

_It fell apart on a Thursday. _


	2. Chapter two: I'll stand by you

**Title: **Losing My Religion (2/?)

**Author: **hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)

**Beta: **Calienteyfria

**Pairing: **Finn/Kurt

**Rating: **PG-13 for now

**Warnings: **Angst and angst.

**Disclaimer: **Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith and Canada. I just want to write Kinn, ok? leave me alone.

**Summary: **Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes: **As you can see, the names of the chapters are songs that had had Kinn moments in the show, it's something that I wanted to do and the songs also have something related to the chapter. Thank you for reading this fic and also for those who commented the chapter one, it's really nice to know what do you think about this story :)

CHAPTER TWO: **I'LL STAND BY YOU**

_Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'cause I've seen the dark side too_

Kurt was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at Mercedes writing on paper what John was telling her by phone. His friend had to hang up after he had heard what exactly had happened to Finn. Mercedes had to take him by the arm running to the bathroom where Kurt vomited compulsively for several minutes, then she had taken him to the kitchen to refresh him a bit and after making sure that the man was not coming back to vomit again, she dialed to Finn's cell phone which John had and now she was writing the direction of the hospital where Finn was. She hadn't been brave enough to ask John what the paramedics and the doctors had said about Finn's health status. She didn't want Kurt to listen and, to be honest, she didn't want to know, at least not yet. After knowing what exactly had happened to Finn, her heart was starting to say something that her mind was trying to ignore because she just couldn't think in _that way. _Kurt needed her now, so she couldn't think in that when she needed to drive him to the hospital and not when she knew she would have to comfort him when he finally fell apart, because what had happened minutes before with Kurt, had been nothing more than the body's normal reaction after had listened to shocking news. But Mercedes knew that Kurt would be emotionally collapsing in any moment, and although she was terrified of that moment, she would have to be there for him as strong as possible. So no, she would not let her mind to be out of control thinking things that weren't happening, she was denying to believe that that could happen.

"Kurt!" she called him but he was submerged in his thoughts "Kurt!" she called stronger and this time he jumped and then looked at her, his eyes were red "Drink it, I need you to be sober as fast as possible," she said pointing the cup of coffee that she had put in front of him, he looked at the cup without really looking forward to drinking it but she insisted "I'm serious, Kurt, we're not leaving until you drink everything." She knew it wasn't fair but being drunk wouldn't help Kurt at all, he sighed and, with shaking hands, he began to drink the coffee.

Mercedes sighed relieved that her friend was still there with her and not completely lost in his thoughts trying to avoid the terrible reality. When he finished the coffee, she approached him taking him by the shoulders and his big blue eyes met hers with a fear that was impossible to describe in words. She breathed deeply.

"Listen to me, Kurt. I want you to listen to me very carefully, ok?" he nodded quickly. "You heard what that boy, John, said, and you know that this is really serious, right?" she talked firmly because she knew that what Kurt needed right not was something strong to stand on. No compassion, that would only make him fall further in the state of nervousness in which he was. "But we need to move slow and not let this take control of you." He nodded again "Good. Now I need you to look for all the important papers of... of Finn and you" Kurt frowned with confusion "His birth certificate, your marriage certificate, your ID, his insurance card, got it?"

"I... yes, yes" he said and hesitated. "Mercedes," he implored with his voice and she rubbed his cheek "I'm so... I'm so..." he couldn't even finish the words but he didn't need to, because she understood what he was trying to say. He was so scared.

She coughed, controlling her tears and trying not letting them to fall.

"I know, honey, me too, me too" she wanted to tell him that everything was going to be fine, that Finn would be fine. But she couldn't, she couldn't know that, nobody could. So she did the only thing that she could to help him right now, take care of everything that was in her hands. And Kurt wasn't crying, he was trying so hard to be strong and not lose his mind so she changed the subject for his sakes. "Where are we leaving Elizabeth? We can't take her with us, you know that, right?"

This time Kurt seemed about to cry at the mention of his daughter, clearly feeling overwhelmed by the idea of his child clueless that one of her fathers was in the hospital fighting for his life. Ironic and so cruel at the same time, that was life sometimes, and Kurt hated it so much at the moment.

"W-we could take her with her nanny, Anne. She lives near here," he said trying to think of nothing more than his daughter, she couldn't see him cry, she couldn't see him nervous because she might not understand what was happening, but children are always more perceptive and he did not want his daughter to feel the anguish that his father had at that time, althought he didn't know how to control that when he felt like he was dying inside.

"Do you trust her?" she asked skeptically "Isn't she like seventeen?"

"Mercedes, do you really think I'll let my daughter every day with someone that I don't trust with my heart?" he asked angrily "Of course I trust her, she's might be young but she's the most responsible girl I ever met, besides, her mom and Carole were really close friends before they moved here," said refering to Anne's family. Well, at least his character was intact.

"Fine, sorry. Then you go, and look for those papers while I prepare Elizabeth and then I'll take her to Anne."

"I'll go with you," he said suddenly terrified of letting his daughter out of his sight for even for one second. "You know what? I think is better if she goes with us, she might get scared if she doesn't see me when she wakes up, you know how she cries when she wakes up and..."

"Kurt," said Mercedes firmly stopping his babbling before he had a panic attack "We can't take her with us and you know it, she'll be fine, she knows Anne and I'm sure she'd handle her perfectly well, ok?" when she saw that he was still unsure she added, "Ok, you stayed here with her while I go to the hospital and I call you from there"

"No!" yelled Kurt like if she was actually leaving to the hospital without him "I- Fine, she'll stay with Anne, but let me go with you when you leave her there, yes?" he begged.

Mercedes sighed. "Ok, but you'll wait for me in the car and you can't say no." Kurt didn't even try to do it, he was anxious and he felt like they were wasting time talking and he couldn't be in calm so much longer if he didn't know anything about Finn. "Now go for the papers while I go for Elizabeth so we can leave."

Kurt thanked himself for being so organized all the time because he didn't have to look for all the papers since he stored them in one folder in the living room. So now he was sitting waiting for Mercedes and prohibiting himself to think bad things about Finn. His attempt wasn't being a success for the moment, but when Mercedes came down the stairs with the little girl in her arms, Kurt couldn't handle it any longer and he ran to take her and hold her in his arms and he just he began to mourn without being able to hold longer, but he tried to cry in silence and not really caring that he was wetting her clothes.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" he murmured to the girl asleep, trying to control his sobs. Mercedes didn't say anything and looked at the floor drying her own tears while Kurt was holding his daughter and apologizing for something that it wasn't even his fault.

When he calmed down and the sobs stopped, Mercedes took the folder with the papers and the diaper bag that she had brought from Elizabeth's room and walked to outside followed by Kurt who was still holding his daughter with dear life. Maybe he was doing exactly that because he felt that if he didn't have to take care of his daughter, he had already lost his mind just right after listening about Finn's accident. They didn't say anything during the way to Anne's house and Kurt hugged one more time his daughter and kissed her head before Mercedes took her to the house while he stayed in his friend's car waiting for her, luckily, the little girl was fast asleep and showed no signs of waking up in no time. Kurt knew that Mercedes had to explain Anne and her mom what was happening and that's why she had asked him to wait in the car. He felt so anxious that he didn't object even when he needed his daughter with him now more than ever.

The road to the hospital was, without doubt, the longest road in Kurt's life. His hands were shaking more than before. He had stopped crying but now he just couldn't talk, he felt breathless and he never looked at Mercedes. He didn't want to push her to drive faster even when they were already in the speed limit. John had called again when they had just left Elizabeth with Anne but Mercedes had forbidden him to answer the phone. She had texted him telling him that they were on their way to the hospital and asked him to not call them because she couldn't drive well if she was more nervous. Kurt had had to bite his own tongue to not yell at her or insult her for doing such a thing. Twenty minutes later, they finally arrived at the hospital where Mercedes had to hold him by the arm so Kurt won't start to run desperately looking Finn or somebody that could give him information about his husband. They had to asked for help to got to the Emergency's waiting room. They were about to get to the information window when Mercedes heard a familiar voice behind them talking to Kurt.

"Mr. Hummel!" They turned to see a boy walking toward them, his eyes were completely red, as he had been crying for a long time. "Thank God you're finally here, I'm..."

"Where's Finn?" asked Kurt frantically ignoring what John had tried to say. The boy bit his lips looking like he was about to start to cry one more time, and Mercedes feared the worst.

"He's in th-there, but they won't tell us how is he because we are not his family," answered John, holding back tears. Mercedes was about to ask who were the 'us' but then Kurt turned to the information window walking with determination and she followed him just like John.

"I want to see my husband, his name is Finn Hudson," he demanded to the nurse who was sitting on the other side of the window.

"Excuse me?" she asked looking up him with surprise but Kurt wasn't going to act nice.

"I want to see my husband!" he repeated losing patience. "He had an accident at his work and they brought him here. I want to see him right now!" He explained and she raised an eyebrow in a gesture of arrogance. Mercedes knew that Kurt was not get anything if he acted like that so she decided to intervene but the nurse talked before her.

"Sir, first of all, this is the emergency room, not the visiting area. If the person that you're looking for was brought here it's because he needs urgent medical attention. You can't see him until the doctor says so. Second, if you want information about a patient you need to fill this form first." She pointed a paper. "But it can only be filled by a direct family member of the patient and the doctors won't give information to anybody else." She crossed her arms over her chest, with both eyebrows raised.

Kurt turned red from anger.

"I just told you that he is my _husband_!" Kurt said, losing patience with her.

The nurse snorted with disgust.

"Symbolic union have no value in this hospital, the direct family of the patient needs to have a verifiable legal union with them, sir," she said loftily and Mercedes wanted to punch her.

"They're legally married, you fool!" she said not being able to containing her anger anymore and the nurse open her mouth very indignantly. And she surely was going to respond her the same way or even call security but someone else called Kurt interrupting the discussion with the nurse.

"Kurt?" asked a man that was coming from the bathroom and Mercedes noticed that his shirt was stained with blood, and it was obvious that the man had been trying to remove the blood with water but he didn't wasn't successful. He tried to cover the bloody spot in his shirt with his hands but it was worthless considering the stain was so heavy.

"Oh my God," murmured Kurt looking at the man's clothes and putting his hand over his mouth. His face grew paler and Mercedes held onto him and walked him to the closest chair, worrying that he could pass out any moment. John and the man followed them with an evident concern. "Is that? Oh no, _Finn,_" he whispered with fear.

"John, bring some water for Mr. Hummel, please," said the man sitting next to Kurt. He was breathing hard and squeezing his knees together forcefully, avoiding to see the man and looking at his hands. John went running for what the man had asked, and Kurt had to drink the water after Mercedes insisted without giving him any other alternative. When he was calmer, the man talked softly, "I don't know if you remember, I'm Max, Finn's fiend and boss. We met last year at a meeting at my house. I'm sorry you have to see me like this. I tried to clean it..." he said.

"What happened?" asked Kurt in a whisper, his eyes still looking at his hands. The man bit his lips and looked at Mercedes not so sure if it was the best to explain him about the accident, but the woman just nodded in silence, and he sighed before answering.

"I don't know exactly what happened. He had been working on this car all day, it was one of the best client's car. Finn said he'd fix it, but he had to put it in the hydraulic jack and he was about to finish when the... the hydraulic jack made a sound and a second later, the car fell over... over Finn." Max seemed still shocked and his eyes were trembling while he was remembering the accident. "I swear that I couldn't stop what was happening. It was so fast that I couldn't do anything. We got the car off as fast as we could but he was... so hurt." His eyes were red but he wasn't cry, he said no more.

Kurt didn't even made a gesture that indicated that he was listening to him.

Just like he had been dying to see and know about Finn minutes ago, now Kurt couldn't say anything, the amount of blood on Max's clothes made him feel sick. He wanted to escape, and when he had explained how had been the accident, he wanted to forget about everything. He wanted to think that was happening was a terrible nightmare and just wake up. This couldn't be true, this couldn't be happening, he must being dreaming, this was just a terrible nightmare and he was going to wake up at any moment in his bed next to Finn. He was going to kiss him, hug him and tell him how much he loved him, he was going to hold him and never let him go. He needed to wake up soon, he denied believing that all this was actually happening, that Finn was hurt in that hospital and probably dying, that wasn't real, it couldn't be real.

Kurt was aware of the voices talking around him, probably talking to him but he ignored them, he ignored everything and covered his face with his hands. He demanded his body to wake up, to make this stop and bring him to reality soon, but it never happened. He didn't know how much time passed until his body started to shake when nothing happened, when his body refused to take him out from this terrible nightmare. When he came back to reality, it hit his heart with so much force.

A hand shaking his arm forced him to return to reality and Kurt had to face the truth. Even when it felt like it was killing him inside, he had to know how was Finn. There was a huge posibility that he was already gone and the doctors had been waiting for a relative to give them the bad news. And the thought of Finn dead paralyzed his heart with a pain that almost made him vomit again. He didn't do it, instead, he looked up to Mercedes that was kneeling in front of him. Her eyes showed him that she wanted to cry but she was holding back her tears.

"Is he... is he?" he asked with a whisper not being able to finish the question.

"I don't know. Max is talking with the nurse and he already showed her your marriage certificate and now we're just waiting for someone that can tell us what's happening," she said putting her hands over his. "Kurt, I need you to be strong, you can't go, you can't go no matter what they say. Elizabeth needs you, you're everything she has now and you can't leave her the way you're going now, you need to stay with us no matter what happens." Now she was actually crying and Kurt shook his head feeling his own tears falling for his face.

"I can't, Mercedes. I... I just can't," he murmured, holding her hands because he felt like he couldn't stay conscious any longer and she hold him stronger.

"You have to, Kurt." she said firmly and he didn't answer. Max came back with the folder with papers in his hand. He was now wearing a scrubs shirt from the hospital that a nurse had given him. Kurt appreciate that he didn't have to see all that blood anymore.

The man sat next Kurt and looked at him with determination.

"They're still attending him, he's alive but they couldn't tell me anything else," he said seriously, the relief Kurt felt upon hearing that Finn was still alive was so strong that even the dizzy. "You need to fill this paper so they have all the information about him that might be need, that's what the nurse told me. And sign this paper to give him the permission to operate on him because she said that he's going to need surgery. The doctor will explain you everything after they check him out, and be able to come to us and give you all the information about him." He gave the paper to Kurt and he took it with shaking hands. Mercedes rose from the ground and sat the other side next to Kurt and took the paper.

"I'll help you with this," she said looking for a pen in her purse and starting to write the information. She asked Kurt the things she didn't know and wrote them. Once finished it, Max took the paper and gave it to the same nurse that had attended them before and who was looking at them grouchily, but without objecting anymore.

Minutes passed and no one else gave them anymore information. Mercedes never left him and Max and John came and went from the information window to see if there was anything new. The nurse had not heard any new information to give them. At some point, Mercedes suggested Kurt that he needed to call to Ohio and tell Carole and his dad about what was happening, but he couldn't, not when he didn't even know the seriousness of the situation, but she insisted.

"I know this is hard and you don't want to call them until someone gives you information about him, Kurt, but you have to consider that it might take hours until someone tell us something. Your dad and Carole have to take a plane to come here, so it's better if we tell them now what's happening so they're here when he have more information. I can call them if you want me to," she suggested and he looked at her not knowing exactly what to do.

"I... don't know. What if..."

"Family of Finn Hudson?" asked a doctor that was walking out from the door leading to the area of emergency. Kurt rose so fast from the seat, he almost fell as sudden movement. He ignored the dizziness and, along with others, walked quickly to the doctor who looked at them very seriously. "Are you Finn Hudson's family?"

"He's my husband," said Kurt with a trembling voice, wishing that the man won't react like the nurse had done. "I even have our marriage certificate with me to prove it," he said nervously, and Mercedes started to look for the paper in the folder but the doctor shook his head.

"You don't need to show me, don't worry," he said gently. "Will you follow me to a private room so I can talk to you, please?" he asked looking directly at Kurt. He swallowed hard, this couldn't be good, if he wanted to talk to him alone it was likely because he was going to tell him something really bad and Kurt felt a cold sweat covering his whole body.

"Just say it, please," begged Kurt. He felt the sensation of Mercedes holding his arm."Whatever you have to say do it now, please. Is he... dead?" he finally asked terrified of the answer but not being able to wait anymore.

"No, he's alive," answered the doctor and Kurt could swear that he almost faint from relief, he could heard the sigh of Mercedes and even a _thank God _coming from Max. "Look, sir, I need to talk to you alone. Your friend can come with us if you want her to, but I suggest you to go with me to a more private room, ok? Your husband is alive, I promise you, but there's a lot that I have to say to you and this is not the right place, do you understand?"

The doctor was being really nice and there was something in his eyes that made Kurt trust him so he nodded and, along with Mercedes, followed him to the doctor's office that was empty. They both sat in front of the desk and looked at the man with expectation and seconds later a young nurse came in with several x-rays in hand and gave the doctor and then left in silence. The man sat in the desk and looked at them.

"You already know what exactly happened to Mr. Hudson at his work, right?" They both nodded, Max and John had told them what they had seen but without getting in too many details and giving them the necessary information to know how serious had been the accident. "Here is the thing. Mr. Hudson was brought to the hospital with several injuries in his body, the more serious were ubicated in the right side of his body and the back side of his brain," he explained. Then he sighed because he knew how hard it would be for Kurt to digest the information he was about to say. He put the x-rays on the negatoscope and Kurt could see the picture of the broken bones of a shoulder and part of the arm and he had to breathe hard to not throw up, the bones were almost destroyed and the arm was barely connected to the shoulder. "I know how it looks and this might be very shocking to you, but I always like to be honest with the family and sometimes it's necessary to display the magnitude of the situation so they can know all the posibilities that the patient has, ok?"

"So... is he going to lose his arm?" asked Kurt. He was scared and not being able to look away from the x-rays. He couldn't imagine Finn losing his arm, it was a horrible thought but he couldn't help to think that, the x-rays was really shocking.

"For now, we'll be able to save his arm, the injury is pretty serious but there's a huge posibility that the arm can be saved. With the necessary physical therapy, it may even recover a large part of its functionality, or even all of it. What I'm more worried about is his back." He took another x-ray and put it next to the one that was already in the negatoscope and Mercedes gasped with surprise. She wasn't a doctor but she knew enough about medicine to recognize a severe injury in the bones that were located at the height of the hips.

"Oh God," she murmured putting her hand over Kurt's shoulder. He was looking at the x-ray with both hands over his mouth. His eyes were so wide with surprise, and tears begin to fall. The doctor sighed with sadness, giving them a few seconds to calm down and then talked again.

"As you can see, his hips are out of their correct place, but the real problem are not the hips. This kind of injury it's pretty serious because it could have a fracture in the spine that can cause a permanent paralysis in his legs." Kurt closed his eyes at the last words and his breathe stopped for a few seconds "We can't tell yet if this is going to happen to Finn. We don't know yet if he is going to be able to walk again until we operate, and he has the recovery time. But you have to know that there's a really huge posibility that he may walk never again," he said.

The sobs of Kurt broke the sudden silence in the room. He just couldn't believe that all this was happening, he couldn't handle with the thought of Finn not being able to walk again or losing his right arm, much less with both. It was so surreal and terrible. Everything had happend so fast that it made him feel sick from the impact of all the information.

"So, are you going to operate on his hips to put them in the right place and then his arm, right?" asked Mercedes, with a broken voice, rubbing Kurt's back. This time, the doctor's eyes became darker and he looked at the floor with a evident grief. Mercedes knew that he hadn't told them yet the worst part, she couldn't even imagine what it could be worse than that and she just held Kurt's back waiting for the information.

"When the car fell on Finn, his arm and his hips were beaten by the weight of the car causing the injuries that I already showed to you." He cleared his throat before speaking again "But he didn't even have the time to react. It was so fast that he couldn't react to cushion the fall with one of his arms, so he fell and hit his head on the ground with a huge force. His head bounced at least twice, increasing the seriousness of the injury. What I'm trying to say... is that Finn has serious damage in his brain, and we don't know if he's going to survive" he concluded looking at them.

"No, no, no, no, no!" started to say Kurt breathing with difficulty and burying his face in his hands his body trembling with great force. He was no doubt beginning to suffer a panic attack. The tears soaked his face, broken by the devastation. "Finn, no, please, no, no, you can't. Finn!"

"Kurt, breathe, Kurt, please breathe!" said Mercedes with concern and trying to remove the hands from his face but Kurt was crying hard and breathing with more difficulty.

The doctor, clearly used to that kind of reaction from the family's patient called the nurse and she came with a a syringe in his hand followed by a male nurse who helped her to hold Kurt and he injected the needle into his arm causing an almost sudden effect that calmed him down immediately and then he was falling into a deep sleep. The two nurses carried him to the stretcher and left him there.

"I'm sorry, I had to do that for his own sake," said the doctor to Mercedes, who was standing next to Kurt stroking his cheek cleaning his face, tears were still falling from his eyes. She nodded in silence clearing her own tears.

"So is Finn in a coma or what?" she asked, not looking up from Kurt.

The doctor took a tomography that he hadn't showed it to them and put it next to the other two. This time, was Mercedes who had to fight with all her forces to not throw up. The tomography showed a perfect picture of Finn's brain that was overshadowed with a shadow that was covering a huge part of the brain. Mercedes didn't need to ask. She knew that the shadow was blood, and it was serious, so very serious. She cleared her throat and looked at Kurt and was thankful that he was unconcious right now.

"So he has a cerebral hemorrhage, right?" she asked. The doctor nodded. "Is he going to die? Be honest, please. Do you really think that he's going to survive to this or not? That he _can _survive to his?" She asked with a broken voice, the doctor looked at the tomography carefully for a few seconds before turning to her.

"I'll say that there's a seventy percent of posibility that he can bleed to death," he said honestly. She shook her head crying even more. "And if he survives after the surgery he needs to stop bleeding, there's a large possibility that he will suffer an irreversible neurological damage."

Mercedes sighed with pain.

"What kind of damage?" she asked afraid of the answer, but needing to know so she could explain it to Kurt later.

"I don't know, I'm not neurologist, but I do know that the damage can range from something very minimal like having problems pronouncing words until something more serious like being in a vegetative state the rest of his life, or even not to be himself ever again," he answered with a serious look.

"So now what?" she asked, not feeling like she could handle anymore.

"They're getting him ready to operate on his brain, that kind of surgery can last from seven to even twelve hours," he said and looked at Kurt. "He might sleep for another two hours, so he can stay here and I'll tell a nurse to keep you informed about the surgery. I know how hard is all this, but he has to be ready for the worst. All of you have to. We will do everything in our power to save his life but cases like this are difficult to handle, and the possibility of him dying is huge."

Mercedes nodded.

"Thank you, doctor..."

"Robert, call me Robert. I'm in charge of the emergency area, I put the patients in safely so the doctors they need can fix them. I attended Mr. Hudson when the paramedics brought him and now he's in the neurology area for his surgery. But if you need anything, if you have a question just ask for me and I'll help you the best I can." he said with a sad smile. Mercedes tried to correspond the best she could.

"Right. Thank you, doctor Robert," said Mercedes shaking his hand. When the man left the the room with the x-ray in his hand, the woman sat next to Kurt rubbing his forehead with sadness. "Oh Kurt, you have no idea how I wish this wasn't happening. I'm so sorry," she whispered and prayed God to save Finn. He, Kurt, and Elizabeth deserved to be happy and it wasn't fair what it was happening. Not fair at all.

* * *

Kurt had woken up two hours ago in the doctor's office where he had been sedated, but he had to take an anti anxiety pill to relax after Mercedes had told him the worst part of the information about Finn, and then, when he was calmed, they left the room to meet with Max and Jonh, Mercedes explained them what the doctor had said while Kurt was lost in his thoughts and fears. Now they were in the waiting room for relatives of patients who were in operating room, Kurt looked sleepy because of the medication and he wasn't crying anymore, his eyes were so lost in his thoughts all the time. Max was still there with them sitting next to Kurt. John had had to go home because he couldn't enter to the waiting room because he was a minor and it was forbidden. Mercedes had called to Ohio an hour ago, and now Burt and Carole were at the airport for an hour of their flight to New Hampshire finally out from Ohio. Mercedes had been very careful to not get into details when she informed them about the accident and she had just told them that Finn was in the hospital and they were operating him but she didn't say anything about how bad he was and what kind of surgery he was recieving. She had also called to Anne and explained it what was happening. Mercedes told Anne and her mom that she could call one of her closest friends to go for Elizabeth if they couldn't take care of her longer since she didn't know how much longer they would be at the hospital. She was absolutely sure that Kurt won't move from the hospital as long as Finn was in danger of die or without had seen him first. But Anne's mom, Jenny, had told her that they could take care of Elizabeth as long as it was necessary and she told her not to worry about the little girl and sent her prayers and prayers for Finn to improve quickly.

"Mr. Hummel?" it was the young nurse, Kurt looked at her with nervous but she smiled softly to calm him down. "He's still in surgery and everything's is going fine," she said and Kurt breathed with relief. "Umh, but we need two blood donors to cover the amount of blood that we've used for your husband. It doesn't matter if it's not the same type of blood."

"Ok, I can donate blood" said Kurt but the nurse denied embarassed "Why not?" he asked frowning.

"Gay men can't donate blood, it says the law, I'm really sorry." She really looked like she was genuinely sorry about it.

"What?" asked Mercedes indignantly and Kurt sighed, he had forgot that gay men couldn't donate blood, it was something he had read once when he was at high school and the law hadn't changed yet, it was so ridiculous and frustrating. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not, I'm so sorry, I wish I could help you but he can't donate his blood." repeated the nurse rubbing her hands nervously. Max snorted and swore softly.

"I know that I can't donate blood to an stranger, but he's my _husband_," said Kurt trying to not get angry with the nurse since it wasn't her fault and she really looked embarassed. "It's ridiculous that I can't donate blood to him for being gay when he has been with me for years, don't you think?"

"Yes, it is. But it's a law*****, sir, and the blood that you donate it won't be use for him because he already received blood, so it doesn't matter if he's gay too, you just... can't. There's nothing I can do. And I'm really, _really_ sorry" she whispered and Kurt sighed. It was useless to insist on the subject, but still caused him a lot of courage.

"Fine. I'll see what I can do" he said and the nurse left before Mercedes say something, the woman looked really pissed off and she was scary when she was like that.

"Well, fuck them. I can donate but we still need another person," said Mercedes still angry and Kurt rubbed her knee to make her feel better. "But I can call some friends, I'm sure that one of them will be happy to help," she added with a tiny smile that Kurt corresponded.

"I can donate" said Max and they both jumped, they had forgotten that he was still there and Kurt felt guilty, the man smiled at them. "I've done it before and I'll love to help Finn, he's my friend after all." he said and Kurt smiled sadly.

"Thank you, Max" he said and he just nodded.

"He's going to be ok, I know it's hard to believe but he's a strong man and he has a beautiful family to fight for. He won't give up without fighting." He assured him.

* * *

When Carole and Burt got to the hospital, Finn was still in his brain surgery, fighting for his life and it was close to four in the morning. Max and Mercedes had left the three of them alone while Kurt explained them what had happened. When they came back to the waiting room (with cups of coffee for everybody) Carole and Kurt were hugging each other and they could listen to her softly sobs. Burt was standing next to them with his arms crossed and looking at the floor. Neither of them said anything and Max and Mercedes sat away from them giving them privacy. Minutes later, they left them go from the embrace and Burt hugged his son for what it looked an eternity, Mercedes could heard that the older man was saying something to his son who nodded in silence without letting him go. Then they separated, both with red eyes, and Burt sat next to Carole and they all do the only thing that they could do for now: wait.

It wasn't until seven in the morning when neurosurgeon came to them, he looked tired but told them that they had finished the brain surgery and Finn was still alive.

"Although we stop the bleeding, we couldn't reduce the brain inflammation, which represents a great risk to his health, and we had to leave the wound exposed to wait for the swelling to go," he said with a rough voice, this man wasn't as nice like the other doctor but he was explaining everything very carefully and Kurt appreciated it. "There's a great risk of infection and the inflammation also increase the risk of a nerurological damage but there's not too much we can do for now but wait until the brain stopped being swollen and then close the wound."

"And when it's that going to happen?" asked Burt who had his arm around Carole's shoulder "When are you going to close the wound?"

"It depends of the way his body reacts and the time it took his brain to back to his normal size, there's not a rule in the time that it takes to happen that so I can't tell you an exact moment" he said and Kurt sighed.

"Can we see him?" he asked nervously.

"I'm afraid not. He's in the recovery room and the orthopedic surgeon is waiting for he recovers a little bit more from the surgery to operate his hips and then his arm. I think you won't be able to see him until Saturday, maybe even Sunday, if he survives all the surgeries, of course," he said without any sympathy. Kurt had to remined himself that there were doctors that weren't like him, that thought they were God and they couldn't give compassion because they didn't know about that. Besides, the man had just saved Finn's life and he had been in surgery for hours, he must be tired.

"Kurt, you look tired, son. You should go to your home and sleep a few hours. Carole and I will stay here," suggested Burt when the doctor left and putting his arm in his son's back. Kurt shook his head.

"I'm staying, Dad," he said firmly not even looking at his father.

"Where's Elizabeth, honey?" asked Carole suddenly with a worried voice.

"She's with her nanny, Anne. Do you remember her? She's Jenny's daughter," he answered and Carole nodded with a sad smile.

"Oh yeah. I forgot you had mentioned before that she's her nanny. Jenny is a great friend, she'll take good care of Elizabeth," she said shaking his hand and Kurt nodded.

"Yeah."

Two hours later, the nurse informed them that Finn had just gone into the operating room for the surgery on his hips and arm and that it'll take around four or five hours and suggested them to go home and rest for a few hours, but neither of them moved from their seats. Mercedes stayed next to Kurt all the time, leaving him only for go to the bathroom and then to call to her work and say she was not going today. Max was the one that kept bringing coffee and food that wasn't even touched by Kurt and Carole.

"Kurt," said Max around nine in the morning. Kurt opened his eyes not even noticing he had fell asleep at some point with his head laid over her friend's shoulder. Carole and Burt weren't around and Kurt got scared. "Hey, it's ok" he said putting his hand on his knee "They went to the cafeteria."

"Finn?" he asked still scared.

"He's still at surgery, the nurse hasn't come back to say anything."

"I... ok" he said breathing normally again, and then noticed that Max was still looking at him "Sorry, you said something?"

"I have to go to the workshop and deliver the cars that were left yesterday," he said nervously because mentioning the workshop was remind him the accident, not that Kurt had forgotten it any second.

"You don't have to stay here, Max," said Kurt looking at Mercedes as she slept. "I understand that you have things to do, probably a family waiting for you at home," he said and felt guilty. Max apparently knew everything about Finn's life, that he was married with him and their daughter, he might even know where did work and Kurt didn't know _anything_ about him.

Max smiled "I don't have family, not here at least, they live in Vermont. I just have to go to deliver those cars and I promise I'll back the soonest I can," he pat his shoulder and Kurt smiled back.

"You're a great friend to Finn, Max. Thank you"

"I'm your friend, too, Kurt. Call me if you need anything, ok?" he said with a smile and left.

Three hours later the orthopedic surgeon told them that he had finished the surgery and Finn's arm and hips were fine but they'll have to wait to see if his spine had been damaged and they couldn't say if Finn was going to walk again, not until Finn woke up and check by himself the functions of his legs. But it was good to know that his arm was fine. _A little joy into the whole mess,_ was what Mercedes said and Kurt hugged her.

* * *

It wasn't until the afternoon of Saturday when the doctors finally told them that Finn was out of risk for the moment and explained them that he had to put him in coma because his head was still opened it was very dangerous if he woke up being like that. The fact that Finn was in coma, even when it was an induced coma, waned little feeling of joy that they had the previous day. Because the risks of not waking up again from a induced coma were pretty high, but there was nothing else that the doctors could do and they only hope that Finn's brain go back to his normal size the soonest possible, so they could to close his head and getting him out the coma. Everything depended on time and Finn's fighting. His hips and his arm were recovering and he was still alive after all the trauma that his body had been through. And after insisted for hours, the doctors allowed them to see Finn but only twenty minutes per person what they wanted but it was something and they were happy with that.

It wasn't until the nurse explained to them the care they should have in the room where Finn was, and also warned them that the way that the way he was it could be very impressive for them because there were many tubes around him, including the one that was giving him oxygen, it was only _then_ that Kurt realized he was going to see Finn after he had suffered the accident that almost cost him his life. Nothing was safe because he still could have complications and die at any time. He felt a terror to him in that state invaded his body. What if he saw him and he died the next day? The imagine of Finn being in coma and full of injuries was going to be his last memory of him? What if he didn't have the strength to see him and he would still die? He was going to die without Kurt saying goodbye? _Oh God_. What if he died and the last memory of the two of them was the fight they had had days ago?

"Kurt?" The voice of his father brought him back to reality, everybody around him was looking with concern. He didn't say anything and just hugged his father who held him hard rubbing his hand.

"I can't see him, dad. I can't," Kurt whispered buring his head on his shoulder.

"Shh, shh. You can do it, Kurt. It's going to be fine," said Burt holding him harder. Kurt shook his head. "He needs you to be there, he needs to listen your voice, if you're there with him, he's going to be ok"

"He can't listen to me, he's in coma."

"He can, son. He'll hear you and you'll be there for him," said Burt. "Come on, you can do it."

He let him go from the embrace and Carole hugged him too. She didn't say anything, but she was as scared as he was. They both knew that they have to be there for Finn, be strong and help him to recover.

"You go first, honey," she said, kissing his cheek and Kurt nodded and then followed the nurse to Finn's room, his heart beating like crazy and his hands shaking nervously.

"In here," said the nurse pointing the last room in the hallway, and Kurt walked not even knowing what to feel or think.

The first thing he saw were the machines, they were everywhere and, for some reason, made him feel sick, and then he saw Finn there lying in bed. Kurt's heart stopped for a few seconds in pain, so much pain. He already knew that Finn was going to be covered by all those things that keep him breathing while he was still in the coma, that his head was going to be covered by the bandage that was protecting the wound on his head, and he knew that his right arm was going to be in a cast, he knew all those things and still he felt like fainting when he finally saw him. Finn looked so weak and injured, his skin was pale and the tube that he had in his mouth made him look even worse. Kurt walked next to him, tears falling for his face and wanting to touch him but afraid of injuring him further. He sat in the chair that was next to the bed and he looked from face to foot at Finn. It was hard to believe Finn was like this. The doctors had said he was out of risk, but he looked like he could die at any moment, he looked like if each beat of his heart was going to be the last one.

Kurt finally took his left hand and he didn't care about the tears, not anymore. He was touching him, he was in front of him after two days of a terrible expectation where he had thought that he was not going to see Finn alive one more time. He wanted to tell him so badly how much he loved him, how much he missed him and apologize for what had happened the last time they had talked. He needed him to wake up, he needed to see his eyes looking at him, he needed to kiss him, to feel him and stop thinking that he could lose him any moment. He needed him alive or he was going to die inside. Kurt stayed there with his hand over his, minutes happened and he just looked at Finn until the nurse came back and told him that the twenty minutes had finished. Kurt sighed, he got up from the chair and kissed Finn's cheek whispering a softly '_I love you_' before leaving the room.

When he was out of the room and Carole had entered to see Finn, Kurt called Mercedes and asked her to take him to Anne's house because he needed to see Elizabeth. Mercedes drove in silence while Kurt was looking out of the window, desperate to see his daughter after two days of not having moved from the hospital. When they got to Anne's house and she walked them to the living room where was her mom and Elizabeth, Kurt practically ran to his daughter and the girl screamed in happiness when she saw her father, she was yelling '_Dadda, dadda_' over and over, Kurt hold her in his arms and then started to cry not caring that Anne, Jenny, and Mercedes were looking at him with surprise.

"He's going to be ok, Elly," he whispered to her, using the diminutive for the first time "Daddy is going to be fine, I promise you. I'll bring him home soon and we're being together as always," he said, tears falling and the girl put her face over his shoulder and played with the buttons on his shirt. "Daddy's going to be ok, I promise you."

* * *

*****Gay men can not donate blood in Unite States just like most of the world, even when they have fight for this to be changed, they can't donate blood and there have been changes in this rule but not they are not very helpfully. For more information: : / / w w w . guardian . co . uk /world/ 2011/ sep /08 / gay-ban-blood-donation-lifted** (or) ** : / / w w w . msnbc . Msn i d / 37599992 / ns / health-aids/ t / ban-gay-blood-donors-upheld / # . T8nJkdXQyIA


	3. Chapter 3: Lean on me

**Title: **Losing My Religion (3/?)

**Author: **hermyone_mex (ChindyAlo on tumblr)

**Beta: **Calienteyfria

**Pairing: **Finn/Kurt

**Rating: **PG-13 for now

**Warnings: **Angst and angst.

**Disclaimer: **Glee belongs to FOX and RIB and Chris Colfer and Diet Coke and Llamas and Cory Monteith and Canada. I just want to write Kinn, ok? leave me alone.

**Summary: **Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes: **I couldn't post last week because I was really busy with the end of the semester at my University, but now I'm free so I'll post every week. Thanks for reading :)

* * *

CHAPTER THREE: **LEAN ON ME**

_Call me..._

_For it won't be long  
Till I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on_

Nights at the hospital were the worst, at least that's how Kurt felt. There was always this depressing environment around him that it made him feel suffocated, like if the quiet of the night at the hospital increased the amount of sadness in the already sorrowful picture of sick people, and even when it was broken by the nurses and doctors that worked at night, they didn't talk that much like those that worked during the day so it was saddest. And in this case, everything seemed worse because of people with neurological diseases looked so lifeless, they were in the seventh floor of the hospital that was for neurological treatments, it was a real nightmare and Kurt had learned that this floor was very depressing. Or maybe it wasn't like the hospital became in a more depressing place during nights, maybe it was just that at night, when he was left alone with his thoughts, his feelings, his fears and Finn who was still in a coma... so everything submerged him even more in this state of deep sadness.

Kurt was sat in his chair next to Finn and trying to focus in the book he has in his hands since he couldn't sleep. It was four in the morning and he was really tired, his body practically screaming him in pain for not giving it a properly rest, but he kept ignoring it. He put the book next to Finn's leg and then crossed his arms, reading was worthless if he had read the same phrase more than six times and still not knew what it said. He heard a knock at the open door (it was prohibited to be closed, except when the patient needed a bath or be dressed) and looked up to see the nurse with Finn's clinical record in her hands. She smiled nicely, as always, and came in.

"Good night, Mr. Hummel," said the nurse watching the machines next to Finn and making notes. She was the only nurse that talked to him without looking at him as if he was a freak or talked to him with a hasty voice, in fact, she was really nice. "Can't sleep? There's an empty room next to the elevator, you can go and try to sleep there if you want to, I won't tell anyone," she said with a smile and Kurt sighed frustrated.

"It has been four days" Kurt exclaimed bitterly looking at Finn, his eyes were closed and breathing thanks to the tube across his throat. It was the image of that tube keeping his husband alive what couldn't let him sleep. It was a really traumatic picture and he just couldn't get used to that. But also, he couldn't stop watching the machine, he was afraid that it could turn off any moment, even when he knew that it was highly unlikely. "_Four_ days. How?" he murmured despondently.

The nurse looked at him patiently, she knew that Kurt had trust her since the beginning. She had been the one responsible for informing him and his family about the progress of Finn's brain surgery. Honestly, she had also seen that the man tried hard to not complain with the doctors but she also knew that her co-workers not always were understanding with the patient's family, especially when the diagnosis and recovery of the patient was so uncertain as it was the Finn Hudson's. Kurt Hummel looked like he was losing his mind with desperation but he just sighed one more time and kept talking.

"I mean, four days ago they finally closed the wound because his brain was not inflamed anymore and they removed the medicine that kept him in a coma," he explained. She already knew that but she listened to him without interrupting. "And he's still in coma. Why hasn't he woken up?" He asked knowing that she didn't have the answer, knowing that the doctors didn't have the answer. Nobody had it and he hated it.

After five days of the accident and the success of all the surgeries, the doctorts had decided that Finn's brain was in his normal size and the bleeding hadn't came back which mean that he was recovering well. They introduced him one more time to the operating room to close the wound in his head, it hadn't last as much like the last brain surgery and the neurosurgeon had said that everything had gone well and now it was about time to expect Finn to wake up. He couldn't ensure anything since brain injuries were always different and each body reacted different, so all they could do was wait. And that's what they had done; during the last four days they had made an schedule where Carole, Burt and Kurt were switching hours to stay with Finn. But Kurt was the only one that had stayed with him at nights, after the first night with visit allowed that Kurt had been the one who had stayed all night with Finn experiencing an environment even more depressed. So he had decided that he didn't want his dad, and he definitely didn't want Carole staying at the hospital during night, not when everything looked so dead... even Finn.

The nurse, her name was Eva, stopped what she was doing and walked to him. She could see the dark circles under his eyes. The man was exhausted which didn't help him to handle everything that was happening, although, she couldn't imagine that someone actually could handle that. She wasn't married but didn't need to be to know how horrible would be to have your husband, the person you love, in the same condition as was Finn Hudson.

"I know this is hard for you, Mr. Hummel," she said but he didn't look up, he was rubbing Finn's hand, the pain visible in his eyes. "But you have to trust that he's going to wake up, it hasn't been that much time. And I know that every minute is an eternity for each of you, but believe me when I say that there's still hope. Don't lose it."

Kurt shook his head.

"I'm not stupid, you know? I know that after some time, when a person is in coma, even if they wake up, their brain had been without the appropriate function so much time that they're not the same as they were before the coma." His fingers drove from Finn's hand to his cheek and he rubbed it softly. "Every minute he's still like this, means that there's more possibilities that he's going to have some damage that won't be able to repair." Then he sighed. "We don't even know if he's going to walk again, that's not enough? It just... so unfair," he murmured with his voice broken, but stopping the tears easily.

After the first days of the shock of the accident and crying for everything that had happened to Finn, Kurt hadn't cried again. Not that he didn't feel like that, but it was like he couldn't do it anymore. He felt like if he was in this weird trip when his body was there, sat next to Finn waiting for what it seemed impossible to happen while his feelings were trapped in the middle of his heart, all fighting to free and they couldn't escape. So he was there, feeling all this thing that he couldn't describe, he was also not able to liberate from this sensation of falling that he was feeling since the moment that John had told him about the accident. He was falling and he didn't know where.

Eva looked at him not saying anything, she knew that there's was nothing she could tell or do to make him feel better. She had seen the same attitude before with the patient's family countless times, especially when the patient had lost all chance to survive or waking up from a coma. And no matter how many times she saw it, it was always hard to handle, she tried her best to make them feel better even when it wasn't part of her job. She was a human after all, and she just could not ignore when she saw someone in so much pain. But she could also tell when someone didn't want help, even when they needed so badly.

Kurt felt the nurse's hand on his shoulder but he didn't move.

"You should go to sleep, I'll stay here with him if you want me to," said the nurse and Kurt shook his head.

"No, I won't leave him," he said curtly not even bothering to look at her and she sighed leaving the room without saying anything else.

When he heard the steps of the nurse leaving the room, Kurt stayed looking at Finn's face, not rubbing his cheek anymore. He had avoided talking to him, it was so painful to see Carole talking to her son when he was like that. He didn't want to experiment the same frustration that he knew that she was feeling every time she begged his son to wake up and nothing happened. When his dad had been in coma when he was at high school, everybody had tried to make him hold onto something, some God that helped him to not lose the hope, and Kurt had hated it. Because it wasn't like if he didn't believe on purpose. He just didn't believe, he couldn't believe in some God when he had never seen the need and motivation on that. And that time he _had_ believed in something, he had believed in his father and both of them, and Burt had woken up and everything had gone well. But this time... he believed in Finn, he believed in his love, he believed in their marriage even when the day of the accident they had had that fight that had made him doubt about it for a second. But he wasn't blind, he wasn't stupid, and he knew that this time everything was so different from what had happened to his father. So different and so similar at the same time. He had discussed with his father the day he had suffered the heart attack, he had had it in the workshop. Finn and he had fought, and Finn had had the accident in the workshop. It hadn't been in the same workshop, and his father hadn't had an accident, he had just gotten sick and unexpectedly that almost cost his life. Yet, they were so similar.

So, if there was a God, Kurt thought, he was probably laughing at him right now for making him go through the same thing for the third time in his life. One of them he, God, had won when his mother had died. Another one, Kurt had been blessed at not losing his father. This last one, it seemed about to be won by God again. So, what should he do now? Start to believe in God and then have someone to blame? He couldn't pray, he didn't want to pray; he wanted to scream to someone, anybody, and blame them for making this again, for making his life a hell every time they wished it. Or it was better to not believe and just blame to his damn fucking bad luck?

"You must to be enjoying this, right?" he asked to Finn with a bitter whisper. "You must love being there and knowing that I'm dying because you won't wake up. You love it, uh? You must being laughing at me because you know that if you die I'll stay here alone wishing die too but not being able to do it because we have a daughter that I can't leave, even when all I want is you be here with me. You love to be the one that who'll be gone while I'll be here suffering every single day?" He didn't notice that his words weren't whispered anymore and that he was staring to raise his voice. "You're a coward, Finn! You're coward if you die and leave me here when you know that I can't... I just..." The tears, all the feelings that he had been holding were breaking him and now he was standing in front of Finn and yelling what he couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. He was tired of hiding his feelings from everybody, to pretend that he was the stronge one when he felt like the weakest person in the world "Wake up, damnit! Don't be a coward and wake up because I'm not leaving, did you hear me? I'm not leaving you! Wake the fuck up!"

He felt the arms around his shoulders making him walk backwards but he didn't care, he didn't care about anything but the angriness he felt with Finn right now.

"I'm not going to forgive you if you die, Finn Hudson!" he screamed while a stronger arm put him backwards and sat him in a chair next to the door. "I'll never forgive you if you die. Did you hear me? Never!"

"Mr. Hummel, please, Kurt!" it was Eva, the nurse, she was kneeling in front of him and holding his arms and looking at him with concern "Please, calm down," she said stroking his arms "No!" she said to another nurse, a young man that had a syringe in his hand and obviously wanting to sedated him but she didn't let him. "He has to calm down by himself, ok? Just give it time. He needed this"

Kurt wasn't yelling anymore, his sobs breaking the silence around.

"Please, Finn. Please" he begged with a whisper, his all body trembling for the crying. "Please"

"Shhh, shhh," Eva was stroking his arms giving him warmth and helping him to calm down, the other nurse had resignated and when he saw that Kurt wasn't going to scream again or do something stupid, he left them alone but didn't close the door just for precaution.

Minutes passed and Kurt's sobs finally stopped, there were still tears falling for his face but he wasn't trembling anymore and now he was just with his eyes closed and breathing deeply. Eva raised from the floor and brought the chair that was next to Finn, she put it in front of Kurt and sat looking at him without saying anything. Kurt finally opened his eyes, there were so red and puffy, his face was a disaster. She handed him a handkerchief that was in her uniform. He finally looked at her with a look of desolation.

"He's not waking up again, right?" he whispered with pain. She stroked his cheeks.

"I don't know," she answered honestly, cleaning with her hands the tearst kept falling for his face.

"Is just... I feel like he's already gone, you know?" he said and she felt like crying too, she didn't let that cases like these affect her that much, but this time she couldn't help it. "But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I can't."

"Then don't do it, there's still time. Anything can happen, ok? Don't say goodbye," she said and hugged him, following her instincts.

Kurt hugged her back and looked at Finn for a few seconds before closing his eyes and letting that the hug made him feel better. After several minutes, she conviced him to go to the empty room and sleep for a few hours, his body was so tired and the crying and screaming increased the fatigue that as soon as his body touched the bed, he fell asleep.

* * *

Although supposedly he had chosen the nights at the hospital to spend the day with his daughter and resting and go to the hospital just for a couple hours to talk to the doctors about Finn's progress, Kurt couldn't stay all day at home even when he knew that Carole and his father were with Finn. And after the emotional break he had had two nights ago, he had this urge to be with Finn all the time. So today he had called Mercedes and asked her to stay with Elizabeth at home. She had said yes so he could go to the hospital. When he was on his way, Max called him to his phone asking him if it was good time to visit him and Elizabeth. He said that he had accidentally cooked more food that he could eat so it was better to share it with someone and not waste it. Silly excuse to be around and help him with everything he could and not leave him alone, he thought, but Kurt really appreciated it. Thanks to Max, he hadn't stayed at home alone with Elizabeth while Carole and Burt were at he hospital and Mercedes was at her work during the days. But now he was on his way to the hospital so he told him that he could go to his house and eat with Mercedes and stay there and play with his daughter. Max was really good at playing with kids and he loved Elizabeth, well, everybody did.

Kurt got out from the elevator breathing with relief because he didn't see around the nurse in charge of seventh floor. She seemed to hate him and he knew that she'd be happy to draw him out from Finn's room if she saw him without the visitor's badge. Since he hadn't communicated with his dad or Carole, he knew that they'll send him back home if he call them from the entrance of the hospital. He tried to sneak up to the elevator and he had had the luck of not finding any security guard in his way. He seemed surprised at not seeing his father or Carole in the room. There was nobody but Finn in there, but nothing had happened, right? Were they talking to the doctor about Finn and without telling him? Finn was right in front of him and he was fine, well, not fine... but he didn't look paler and the machines were working as always. But what if something had happened and they hadn't called him because they didn't want to worry him?

"Kurt?" asked someone behind him and he jumped with surprise. He turned to see Eva who was smiling at him. "Well, I think I caught you." She was grabbing a small tub with water inside and a bag in her other hand.

"What are you doing here?" he asked rudely, then he softened his voice, embarrassed. "I mean, I thought you only worked here nights." She entered the room and put the things on the little table next to the bed.

"I do, but the nurse that's here during the day is sick. I'm taking her shift. Extra money is always well received at home, you know?" she said and then looked at him seriously, they hadn't talked about what had happened two nights ago because she had been really busy. Now that he was there, she wanted to talk to him. "How are you?"

Kurt sighed, crossing his arms and finally entered the room, and then he kissed Finn's cheek as he always did when he got there.

"I'm... I think I can say I feel lighter," he said and she smiled softly. "I don't think I'm fine but I can breathe better, it that makes any sense?"

"Yeah, it does. You took away a load off. You needed that explosion, it's not healthy to hide all your feelings," she said, he thought that she was going to judging him for all the things he had told to Finn.

"I know is not healthy. It's just that all this is over me and I don't know how to control it." He combed Finn's hair with his fingers, looking at him with sadness. "I miss him so much." Then he looked at her and then remembered something, "Do you know where is my dad and stepmom? They were supposed to be here."

"I asked them to leave so I can give him his bath," she said opening the bag, and grabbing soap and a sponge. "I think they were going for some food, so you can find them in the cafeteria," she said and then looked at Kurt who was staring at her with wide eyes. "What?"

"I-I didn't know you bathed him," he said and she raised an eyebrow and he felt embarrassed. "Which is stupid because this is a hospital... and patients must be clean all the time," he said. "Sorry, I just didn't think about it until now."

"You can help me if you want to," she suggested walking to the door and closing it. Then walked to the bathroom and started to wash her hands.

"What? How? Isn't that... illegal or something?" he asked nervously and she laughed.

"Of course not, in fact, the family almost always helps. Don't know about your husband because I'm never been here when they give him his baths, but is very normal that a family wants to be around and help when the patient is being washed. It's part of the recovering, not the bath, but the interaction with someone that they feel close to," she said and Kurt looked at her, unsure. She sighed. "Look. I was honest when I said that you needed to explode the other night, because it wasn't healthy to be like you were. But you also need to get closer to your husband. Nobody really knows if someone that is in coma can hear and feel what is happening around them until they wake up. Sometimes not even then because patients tend to forget everything about being in coma when they woke up" she explained and walked to Finn again but didn't start to washing him yet "But there's something that I can tell you: when the patient is in coma, the family that's just there sitting and waiting, they suffer more than the ones who are trying to make a connection with the patient."

Kurt looked at her and then at Finn, his eyes still full of doubts.

"So you're saying that if I help you to wash him, even if that implies to see the fresh scars in his arm and his hips, I'll feel better?" he asked making an expression of confusion and she shook her head with a soft smile.

"No, what I'm saying is that you shouldn't mark the distance with him when you know it doesn't help you at all. You know that that doesn't help you feel better," she said and Kurt frowned.

"And what makes you think that I want to feel better?" he asked bitterly and she sighed "I'm sorry but the only thing I want is for him waking up."

"But you can't do that. And you don't know if he can hears you, but if he does, you're not even giving him a reason to wake up," she said with patience "When his mom was here, she was singing to him, and she told me that she also reads to him and talks to him about your daughter." She smiled brighter, "I didn't even know you had a daughter."

Kurt just looked at her, if it had been another person trying to make him talk about his family, he would have answered rudely and then called for another nurse. But Eva had something that made him trust her and she had been so nice with him since the beginning that he almost felt like she was a friend. But it was really difficult for him what she was asking him to do. He didn't want to talk to Finn. It hurt so much and what he had said two nights ago made him feel guilty even when he didn't really know if Finn could hear him. He didn't want to lose control again and feeling even worse with himself.

"I know that this is hard to handle and you feel miserable, but you can't be like this all the time," she said with sadness and he didn't make a move. "But you have to try. You know that is proven that music can be therapeutic for sick people? I bet you can sing," she said with a playful smile and he tried to not smile but couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I can," he admitted.

"Ok, let's make a deal. You sing to him while a give him the bath, what do you think?"

Kurt frowned a little.

"That you have a really kinky mind?" he said without thinking about it and then they laughed, but Kurt suddenly put a hand over his mouth like if he had said something horrible and closed his eyes with pain and then looked at Finn guilty.

"Hey, it's ok to laugh once in a while," she said, but Kurt shook his head putting down his hand and not raising his eyes from the sheets of the bed like if he had done something really bad. "Kurt, listen, you're _not_ killing him by laughing," she murmured and he shook his head one more time.

"I know but, it's just feel wrong to do it with all this and especially when he's here like this," he whispered taking Finn's hand and breathing deeply. "I'm sorry, Finn," he said. She sighed walking to him and sitting next to him, Kurt turned to see her smiling."I know that there's nothing bad with laughing, but I just... can't do it without feeling that I'm hurting him, you know?"

"Well, that's stupid," she said putting his arm around his shoulders. "You think that crying is the only way to demonstrate that you're worrying for him? That you miss him and love him?" Kurt only shrugged. "I think it's time to you to stop this, it's not good for you and it's not going to help Finn."

"What do you mean?" he asked turning to her and she made him stand up and walked him to the bathroom.

"Wash your hands, you're going to help me," she said crossing her arms with determination. Kurt looked at her quite surprised.

"I really don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to hurt him," he said nervously and she smiled.

"You're not going to hurt him because I'll tell you what to do,"

"Why do you want me to do this? It's not like... giving him a bath is not going to make him wake up," he said sadly and pointing at Finn.

"You don't know that. And I'm doing this for you," she emphasized "You need to stop thinking about how bad he is and that he might die any minute, or that he's not going to wake up. You already had your moment of break down, and that was just fine because you needed it," she said firmly and Kurt was looking at her with wide eyes "But you can't go back to that. You need to see what you _do_ have. You have him alive, he's clearly fighting for his life, he might still in a coma but I'm sure he's fighting to wake up. So if he's fighting, you should do the same and fight for him."

"How?" asked Kurt sourly. "I can't make him wake up. And talking to him is not going to bring him back," he said calmly. "I'm not like him. He's the one that never loses hope, he's the one that always think that everything is going to be okay no matter how bad it looks. He's the one that can make our daugther stop crying by just talking to her," he said with a sad smile because it was true. "I'm not an optimistic person, I don't know how to think that things going to be fine when everything keeps falling apart. I'm sure that if I were the one in the coma, he'd be doing all that stuff that family always do. He wouldn't be like me just acting like if I were expecting the worst. Trust me, I don't want the worst. It's just... I can't help to think that that's going to happen when he's been like this for days and he's not seemed like if he's waking up again. I want to fight for him, I _do_. I just don't know how to do it."

"Wash your hands," repeated Eva. Kurt stared at her, but she just stayed there looking at him and he sighed and finally did what she had asked. When he was done, she walked to Finn and he followed her putting in the other side of the bed. The first thing she did was take the wet sponge and the soap and passed them down the Finn's cheeks, being careful not to remove the tube in his mouth that helped him to breathe. Once that his cheeks were covered with a white layer of soap, she took a new razor from the bag. Eva looked at Kurt doubtfully.

"Do you want to shave him while I start to wash him?" she asked and Kurt nodded, that was something he could do easily, right? So Kurt rolled his shirt sleeves and took the razor from Eva's hands. He leaned over Finn and started to shave his cheeks; he had never done that before. They had this nice and lovely routine where they met each other in the bathroom every other morning to do their cleaning and they both shave at the same time, but never to each other. But this was nice and he got to help Finn with something, it wasn't the big help but it felt good to do something and not just stay there feeling helpless.

Once he had finished, Kurt went to the bathroom and cleaned the things he had used, when he came back to the room he saw that Eva had removed the hospital gown that Finn was wearing. She wasn't looking at Kurt or saying anything. He stayed there watching Finn's body, there were few healed cuts in his chest that he didn't know he had, there were also some bruising here and there that looked minimal compared with his head bandaged and his arm that she didn't touch. When Finn was fully naked she passed the damp sponge with the soap from his neck to his chest, the hair on Finn's body stood by the contrast of the warm water with the air, although the water wasn't cold nor the air, and Kurt felt fascinated by that reaction so natural, so lively and encouraging coming from the his husband's body. Eva continued avoiding the right arm carefully when she cleaned around it. Kurt saw motions attentively and then, without even thinking about it, he took a sponge that was in the bag and she passed him the soap with a small smile. Kurt imitated her moves but washed Finn's long legs, his thighs, and then, with a different sponge, his genitals. Everything felt so intimate, and not because he was washing Finn's private parts but because for the first time in days, Kurt felt close to Finn. He felt him there with him like he hadn't felt him in days that were becoming a painful eternity. His hands were washing his stomach now and it saddened him to see that Finn looked a bit thinner but it was really minimal so he decided to no worry about it, besides the doctors had told him that coma patients always lost weight but always it was normal and that kept them well fed. Eva was drying what she had washed around his arms.

And it was in that moment when Kurt felt that Finn wasn't weak as he had thought since the accident had happened. He could feel the fortress in his muscles, he was feeling the warm of his body, he traveled with his fingers what he had touched and cherished from all these years. Sometimes when they were having sex, others in which they just touched to each other, to know and recognize by touch every part of his body. Finn was there, he could feel it, _he could feel him_. It was so wonderful and Kurt chuckled a little for that and feeling warmth in his heart, a warmth people called hope. Eva put all the things in the bag and left the room closing the door behind her, Kurt hadn't even noticed. Kurt covered Finn's body with a blanket, kissed his chest and then his forehead several times, smiling at him and taking his hand in his and stroking his hair with the other hand.

"I promise you that I'll fight for you," he said to Finn still smiling. "And you have to promise me that you're not giving up, okay? Because I'm not" he promised him and kissed his forehead one more time.

Half an hour later, Eva entered in the room with a clean hospital gown for Finn. She saw that Kurt was singing while his fingers stroked his husband's hair, she barely could hear him. It took her a few seconds to recognize the song, she hadn't heard it for a long time and noticed that, in fact, Kurt could sing very well, she smiled and didn't make any sound and left the room again as she heard the end of "Here Comes the Sun"by the Beatles.

* * *

Mercedes opened the door and entered to the house talking happily to Elizabeth who was in her arms. The little girl listening to her and playing with her hair.

"Kurt?" she asked, putting her diaper bag on the table that was besides the entrance. "We're here!" she announced, walking to the living room but not finding anybody around there.

"We he'e!" repeated the girl and Mercedes smiled at her. Elizabeth applauded with happiness.

"Yeah, we're here," she said to Elizabeth and walked to the kitchen to find Kurt there with Burt. "Oh, Hi, Mr. Hummel," she greeted.

"Hello, Mercedes," he said standing up, opening his arms. He smiled at his granddaughter and started to talk like a child. "Why, who's here? Isn't the most beautiful girl in the planet?" he said. Elizabeth screamed with happiness practically jumping to his arm. "Ouch!" exclaimed Burt, smiling even more. "Well, don't know how you do it, but you're heavier everyday, little monster!"

"Dad!" complained Kurt, while Mercedes kissed his cheek as a hello. "Could you do me the favor of not calling my daughter horrible nicknames, please?" he said not angrily, and Burt started to tickle her tummy, the girl laughing hysterically. Kurt put a sad smile.

"Oh, I used to call you _white peanut_ all the time when you were two like this little beauty, and you're just fine," said Burt smiling to his granddaughter. Kurt just rolled his eyes not bothering to complain about that.

"So what did your boss say?" asked Mercedes sitting next to him. Kurt sighed and looked at his cup of coffee with resignation "Oh, don't tell me that that bastard fired you. He can't!"

"No, he didn't. But he's not happy," he explained. "He understands what is happening and that I can't be there right now, but I'm in charge of an entire part of the magazine. He needs me there," he said looking at his dad. He was giving his fruit salad to Elizabeth and talking to her. "He can't fire me but he can put me in administration and put someone else in my place."

Mercedes opened her mouth with surprise.

"He didn't! It cost you three years to get that place!" she screamed and Burt looked at her with a frown because she had scared the girl "Sorry. It's just... so unfair"

"I know, Mercedes," said Kurt shrugging. "I still have the position, but if I don't give him an advance of the articles that are supposed to be published for next week, I'll have to go back to administration. And honestly, the last thing I want to do now is check and write articles about clothes and fashion. So there's nothing I can really do."

"But... is he going to give you back your job when you have more time?" she asked and he just gave her a look that said _'do you really think that?'_ and Mercedes just sighed with frustration. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," she said and he shrugged again.

"It's ok, I really don't care about my job right now," he murmured. "If he wants to take me back to administration, so be it. I won't stop staying with Finn or here with Elizabeth, they're way more important that the magazine or my place in there."

"But it's not fair," she murmured and Kurt smiled sadly.

"Life's never fair, Mercedes," he said with a sigh. "It never is."

"I say that you should sue his ass if he takes you back to administration," said Burt, talking to them with a rough voice. "He can't do that, Kurt. You're not taking vacations of dismissing from your duties because you want to," he said, making jump the girl in his arms because she was staring to get irritated. That didn't calm her down, and Kurt looked at her before raising her arms and Burt gave her to him. "Kurt, where are you going? I'm talking to you," he said when Kurt left the kitchen and followed him to the front door, while Kurt was looking for something in the diaper bag. "Kurt, I mean it, if you don't sue him, I will"

The girl started to cry and Kurt kept looking in the diaper bag ignoring his father. He finally found what he was looking for: a set of keys. And Burt knew that there were Finn's keys because they were on the key chain he had given to him years ago. The girl took the keys and started to play with them making a rattling sound. Burt sighed with sadness looking at his son.

"Kurt, I know this is hard and you're in pain. I know how do you feel," he said softly while Kurt was now seeing his daughter and wiggling her in his arms. "But you can't let that this ruin what you've worked for so much time. You can't let this ruin your future."

Kurt laughed bitterly and finally looked at him.

"Ruin my future?" he asked angrily "Dad, my whole present is ruined! Do you really think I give a shit about some stupid job?" he asked and Elizabeth was staring at him with wide eyes. Mercedes, that had followed them, walked to Kurt and took the girl without saying anything and took her upstairs.

"You have a daughter, Kurt. You should give a damn about your job since it's the money you earn what feeds her," he answered. "You think I don't know how you feel? I know how hard is all this, but you just can't give up. I didn't left my job when your mom died, Kurt..."

"Finn's not dead! This is not the same!" he screamed breaking the silence and tranquillity in the house. Then nobody said anything else for a few seconds.

"I know, son. But it's been two weeks, we don't know if he's going to..."

"Don't!" warned Kurt, he knew how much time that had happened, he had counted, almost unconsciously, every single hour that had happened since the accident. But It didn't mean that he was ready to hear what his father, what everybody was thinking. Besides, the doctors kept telling them that there was still brain functions, that he wasn't losing them but neither gaining more. There was still hope and Kurt had meant it when he had said to Finn that he wasn't giving up. So to think that Finn couldn't wake up, that could die, it wasn't an option for him, not anymore.

"Look, Kurt. I know that he's not dead and that there's still hope. But you just can't stop your life when you have a daughter who needs you."

"I'm not leaving her, dad. And I'm not stopping my life, it's just that Finn is more important that my job."

"I know that. But you can't afford losing your place when you have to pay the bills at the hospital that are getting higher everyday."

"Finn has a really good health insurance and what I'm paying is minimal, Dad. And even if they took me back to administration, my salary will be good enough to feed my daughter without any problem." He crossed his arms and looked at his father with hurt. "I didn't think that you would care more about my job than my husband, Dad. Your step-son."

"That's not fair, Kurt. You know I love Finn like if he was my son and all this is killing me as much is killing you and Carole. But I also have to see for your welfare and Elizabeth's. And what you're doing with your job isn't right. You think I don't know what you're doing?" he asked, and Kurt turned his face avoiding his eyes. "You're ignoring the reality, you're pulling yourself from the rest of the world like if you were also in coma."

"That's not true, dad" exclaimed Kurt watching him again with indignity.

"Yes you are, Kurt. When was the last time you slept more than four hours?" he asked, as Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't act like that's not important. You barely eat, you've lost weight, you stay here but don't rest. You call the hospital every hour to ask about Finn. And don't think that I don't know that you call Anne or Mercedes to take care of you daughter so you can go and sneak to the hospital when you know Carole and I are getting lunch," he said and Kurt snorted not saying anything. "You think that that's healthy? You think that Elizabeth doesn't notice that something really bad is happening?"

"What do you want me to do then? Pretend that everything's just fine and Finn is on a business trip? Trust me, Dad. The least I want is that Elizabeth is affected by what is happening. But I can't do that much, when I'm with her I do my best to be happy and play with her, but she misses him, Dad. It's not only about my attitude, she misses Finn. I can't make her change that. She might not be able to understand what's happening, but she knows Finn isn't here. She's a human too and she has the same right than us to suffers while Finn is gone, Dad."

"But you're letting her suffer more than she can support at almost not being with her. She misses you too, and I and Carole try hard to be with her when you're at the hospital, but is not the same for her. She needs her fathers, and you can be with her but you're not even trying."

"I do try!" he objected "You know that I love my daughter with everything and I'd never hurt her no matter what happens with Finn. I try to be for her as much as I can and not letting that my feelings for Finn's state affects her. Why are you insisting so much with this?"

"Because I don't want you to do to her the same I did with you when your mom died!"

Kurt was speechless for a moment.

"What are you talking about?" he asked in a whisper.

Burt breathed deeply with sadness before answering.

"When your mom died, I wanted to die too, Kurt," he said "And everybody told me that she had left me the best thing I could ever ask: you. I knew it, I loved you so much, but I was in pain and I couldn't stop thinking about her, and you've always been so much like her that I couldn't be with you without seeing her in your eyes, and in everything you did." He cleared his throat. "So it was easier for me to work harder and give you all the presents I could, to buy you all the things you wanted it rather than spend time with you. And one day, I realized that you weren't a kid anymore, that you were at high school, telling me that you were gay. All I could think was that I had lost your childhood, that you had grown up in front of my eyes and I had missed it. I knew you were gay and I never did anything to help you to face the world even when I knew how mean people are with gay kids." His voice was broken now "You lost your mom when you were just a kid and you lost me too, and you have no idea how sorry I am for that. I'll never forgive myself for leaving you alone when you needed me the most."

"_Dad_... Dad, that's not true. You were there for me, you always have. You're a fantastic father" Kurt approached his father but he shook his face, tears in his eyes.

"I'm not, Kurt. I never was for you the way you needed me. I left you grow up without being a proper dad for you. And I know you never stopped loving me for that, but the childhood you had it wasn't the best and I could have done so much for you to be a happier kid and I didn't. I'm so sorry, Kurt."

Kurt put his hands over his father's shoulders.

"It's okay, dad. I know that it wasn't easy for you, and you might not see it but you were for me the best dad I could ever had. You never tried to change me even when I knew you got scared every time I asked you to buy me clothes that boys didn't wear, or never tried to change my dislike for sports even when your friends used to laugh at my complains about what you saw me watch on tv." He smiled at his father "And you don't know how much I thank that you always supported my sexuality even when it scared you at how much I was going to suffer for that in Ohio. You are the best father in the world, Dad." He could feel the tears beginning to fall. "And I promise you that if Finn... that if I stay alone with Elizabeth, I won't leave her alone, I'll try to be the best dad for her. I promise you" Burt nodded wiping his tears and Kurt hugged him without letting go for a few minutes.

"Here, let's go clean the kitchen up and then we can go to the park so Elizabeth have fun with us, what do you think?" asked Burt seconds later. "Carole said that she could stay with Finn all day so we can hang out a little." Kurt smiled to his father.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Let me tell Mercedes to come back. I think we scared her a bit," he joked and Burt smiled. "I'll be right back to help you with the kitchen said and climbed the stairs. Mercedes and Elizabeth were in his room, the girl was quiet and watching the children's storybook that the woman was reading.

"Sorry about that," apologized Kurt, sitting in the bed next to his daughter. The girl was still quiet and he kissed her head. "I promise that I won't fight again with your grandpa," he said to his daughter.

"He's right, you know? About your job, you should do the best to keep your place," suggested Mercedes looking at him with a raised eyebrow, and Kurt nodded with a sigh.

"I know, I'll have to get done with what my boss asked for next week."

"I can help you if you want. I'm the one that taught you everything you know about fashion after all," she said with a playful smile and Kurt laughed still carrying his daughter. The girl looked at his smile amazedly and put her fingers over his mouth and Kurt kissed them, still smiling.

"I thought I was the one that had taught you everything about fashion," said Kurt and Mercedes shrugged with a smile. "Anyway, you're already helping me enough with everything. I'll do it myself, don't worry. But thanks."

"Always a pleasure" she said as usual.

"So my dad wants to go to the park, you wanna come with us? We haven't hang out with Elizabeth lately and I'm sure she'll love to go to the playground," he asked and Mercedes seemed nervous "What?"

"I already had plans..." she murmured, blushing. "But I can go with you if you want to, I can change my plans to another day, don't worry."

Kurt frowned.

"What? You don't have to change them for me. Mercedes, you've been there for me this whole two weeks, every time I needed you. I'm sorry, I've been selfish with you."

"You haven't been selfish, Kurt. Don't say that, ok? I understand that was happening is really important and you can't think of anything else. Besides, you're my best friend and I'll be always there for you, and I know you'd do the same for me." She followed him and Kurt smiled at her.

"Of course I'll do it. So, what plans do you have for today?" he asked putting Elizabeth in the bed, the girl jumped to the book and started change the pages pointing the pictures in there and talking out loud.

Mercedes blushed even more.

"I ha-I have a date" she said embarrassed and Kurt blinked with surprise.

"Oh," he said softly and Mercedes shook her head firmly.

"You know what, forget it. I'll call and cancel and go with you to the park, this is silly, I shouldn't be dating when you're with all your problems. I'm sorry," she stammered and Kurt frowned.

"Hey, hey! You're not cancelling anything, Mercedes. And who told you that you should stop enjoying your life just because mine sucks at the moment?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and crossing his arm, a completely diva pose.

"You're my best friend," she explained and Kurt shrugged, not understanding.

"So what?"

"_So what?_ I shouldn't be dating when all this is happening to you, it's insensitive on my part. I should be there for you and supporting you all I can," she murmured and Kurt shook his head approaching her.

"Listen to me Mercedes," he said firmly "First: there's nothing wrong with you dating, no matter how bad my life is. No, I haven't finished yet," he said when he saw that she was about to object. "It'd be insensitive of me to ask you to stop your world just because mine is not working well. Second: You are already helping me and supporting me all you can, so don't think that I'll feel bad if you go out and have fun. I wouldn't be a good friend if I stop you to live your own life. So you're going to your date and have fun and then call me ant tell me how was it, just like always, ok?" he asked smiling her and Mercedes smile sadly. "It's okay, I promise you" he assured to her.

"Fine. But you call me if something happens, ok?" she said kissing his cheek and Kurt nodded.

"I promise you." then he looked at her with a playful smile "So who's the lucky one? Do I know him?" he asked and she blushed againg, Kurt laughed "Oh I know him, right? Who is he?"

"I'm not telling you!" she said smiling and Kurt growled like a child.

"Oh please, tell me, please, please, please," he said and Mercedes laughed shooking her head.

"P'ease, p'ease!" repeated Elizabeth from the bed and both adults started to laugh at that.

"See? Even Elizabeth wants to know, you'll have to tell me who is it" argument Kurt taking her daughter in his arms, the girl still repeating 'p'ease'

"Kurt?" it was Burt in the door from the room, his face was very serious and his eyes were red and Kurt felt a pain in his chest. Something had happened, he knew it at the moment he saw his father expression.

"What is it?" he asked with fear and his heart beat faster when he saw that his dad has his phone in his hand. Burt sighed before answering.

"Carole just called. It's... Finn woke up," he said with a broken voice and with a huge smile on his face.


End file.
